days to dream

the court was packed. Everyone was wearing their best outfits, and the mood was of happiness and light. The smell of fresh white flowers, a low buzz from the crowd, some background singing voices tuning up an imperceptible melody, coloured the scene. However my heart grew restless.

All the planning, all of last year’s hard work, had come to this.
And what for? This meant nothing; it was just a stepping stone, a show for the world to see what i what always knew in my heart.

My eyes sought the crowd, all these familiar faces [and some complete strangers], I never imagined there would be so many people [even though, I know, I was partially responsible for it]. I kept on looking to the main door, a contrast of strong bright light from the dimly lit room. I only hoped to see one shadow coming from there.

“- they’re very late already. they should’ve been here 30 minutes ago, where are they?” – a friendly voice told me from behind, growing worried and impatient at every tick of the clock.
“- i told you she was no good for you, that she couldn’t go through with it, she’s loyal to no one but herself.”, said my brother, now my best man, who was always worried about me: he was more afraid of seeing me get hurt than myself…
“- don’t worry. She will come”, i smiled filling the chest and facing a crowd, that was starting to grow eager for something to happen
“- How do you know? How can you tell? She’s always so unreliable!”
“- i just know. i know her better than anyone”
I resumed my poise, alone in the middle of the room, waiting.

all of the sudden, an immense sense of urgency mixed with sadness and despair started filling my heart. I had had that feeling before. It meant only one thing.
“- I need to go”
“- What??” – screamed my brother – “ you cannot leave! Everyone is waiting, first her, now you! What’s next?”
“- She needs me. I’ll be back. Hold everything together”

And in a very quick pace I left the church, leaving my brother behind, mad at me, but trying not to make a scene and assuring everyone that everything was alright, it would only take a few more minutes for the ceremony to begin. The buzz now, turned into a loud rumble.

The daylight, burned my eyes, and as I walked round the church, only one thought crossed my mind: I needed to find her.
I walked for a while, while all sorts of feelings and tragedies crossed my mind.
Where was she? How is she? What happened?

As I crossed the park, I saw her.
Fully dressed in pure white.
Gorgeous.
With an elegance only she has.

My heart stopped for a moment, only to start running afterwards the way only she could make it.

She was walking fast towards me, looking down, not seeing anything and with a furious expression on her face. Her parents and brother were trying to keep pace, far behind, calling her, but she listened to no one. The driver, was taking the car slowly in the road by her side, as if waiting for her to make up her mind.

She saw me.
She stopped.
The entire world faded into the background.

Her look changed to puzzled and innocent, just like a child who was caught in some wrongdoing, and who would never admit to be wrong. I got in front of her.
“- You shouldn’t see me yet. It’s bad luck”
“- Since when are you superstitious?”, I smiled, “I knew you needed me right now, so I came.”
Her eyes gazed mine, shining, yet deeply sad.

“- I don’t want to hurt you...”, she started saying being cut all of sudden by a sob
“- Don’t say that and please don’t worry with me. What’s bothering you?”

Taking a deep breath, she started pouring out everything at once,
“- it’s just…
It’s just that we don’t know each other that well and there is a whole life ahead of us, what if we’re not happy?
What if you grow tired of all my insecurities and fears and just leave me for another woman?
What if I’m not a good mother?
or what if I hurt you so much, without even noticing it?

I know you like to travel and taking new experiences, that you can’t stay long in the same place, and that you’ll always be looking for more, when will you grow tired of all of this?
When will you grow tired of me?

And all of this wedding… all those people… this is not me! Is too conventional… too crowded... and I love you but I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t know if this is what I want”

And there she was: the one person in the world I loved, the one I could never ever live apart anymore. There was no doubt, no shades, and it looked that I lived my entire life to get to this moment. All I was, all my experiences, all lead me to this: to be here with her, right now.

“I wish you could see what I see.
Girlie girl, I have lived a great life so far, but it was empty until I found you.
I have never been so complete and so happy since I know you.
I know we still have a lot to learn from each other, and have a full life ahead of us.
But girl, I want to live or at least share the rest of my life with you: to travel all around the world, build a new home [or several], meet new people, explore the beauty of world, of arts, of us, and experience all sort of new things. All of this, I can’t even imagine living them without you. Just knowing that at the end of the day, it is you I hear and see is enough to make me happy everyday of my life.
Even when we're angry at each other, after we had a fight, knowing that we’ll live through the day makes me feel the luckiest man on Earth.
You will be the most amazing mother there is, because you have so much goodness and love in your heart [ok, I’ll play the rough dad so they grow to full adults].

And all your fears and insecurities? They’re part of who you are: they’re the other side of you, that balance all of your greatness and makes you human, and I love you for them.
I can never grow tired of you, unless I grow tired of myself.
You make me whole, a better person, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.
There is not a woman in this [or in any other] world, I’d rather spend my life with.

And all of this fuzz? I just want to be with you, I don’t care for the party nor the ceremony, I only care for you. I also don’t want the conventional, because I believe in us, and I want us to be happy, by our own set of rules and wishes, and not by some other people schemes…

So if you want, I’ll take you right now, and only the closest people you want [or just us], I’ll get even more white flowers, and music.
Whatever and wherever you decide, and we’ll make it special, unique, and most important: just ours.
I want to dedicate my life to make you happy, no matter what.

But…
It is your choice: if you share this dream, take my hand and we’ll build it together.
If you don’t think this is what you want, then don’t feel pressured, and just follow your own heart. I’ll never resent you for being truthful.

You already given me so much…
I can only but feel happy that I got to be a part of an amazing story, even if I wasn’t the lead, because girl, your story is going to be the most beautiful of them all.
You’ll always be close to my heart” I took her hand and kissed it.

She looked me in the eyes, tears growing large, but she finally looked in peace. My heart was setting the rhythm of this moment where time stopped.

And hugging me, she whispered:
“- they must be roses, lilies and tulips."