lettre à Sabina

there are some things you should know.
I will charm you, tease you, lure you into my arms. You may have a midnight dance, or a sunrise kiss. We’ll laugh under the starts, dance in the snow and stand out in a crowd. I’ll show you that men and women are always terrified of the unexpected, and show you how feeble are their attempts to control what’s beyond them. I’ll let you savour the beauty of the unique and magic moments when you make your fantasies come true. You will see a universe full of colour, sounds and emotions, where every step may be an adventure, a leap into an unending abyss [, or just a step forward like any other].
But, you will not see me.
I’ll let you see glimpses of me, moments of pure truth. I’ll show you my lair and my kingdoms. Take you to some of my magic places. I’ll even care for you; protect you if [and only if] you need me to. I’ll embrace you and dry your tears when you’re sad. Bring in the champagne when you’re happy. And be there for you [sometimes]. But you will not see, nor have my heart.
For He, is neither mine to keep nor to show. It belongs to Her: my beloved one, my queen and my pain. She’s the only woman with who I can do magic, the one I’m always home with, the only one I gave my love, heart and life to. She’s the one I miss. And although we’re not together, she knows I’m just a whisper away and when she calls [or I find her, whatever comes first], I’ll go to the gates of Heaven [or Hell], just to bring her back. She ran away now, she’s afraid to dream, be happy and in doing so ruining others’ lifes. I am relentlessly and patiently looking for her, as she’s the only one who can make me happy.
So, although I’m here [and I may be playing], my heart is not, and for that, I cannot love you as all my love belongs just to Her.