holidays!!!!

starting with an 18hour trip....

some people think that i don't see it coming...

... but i can see right through them.
i just choose not to show it...

her [own] words

eu sou a que no mundo anda perdida,
eu sou a que na vida não tem norte,
sou a irmã do sonho, e desta sorte
sou a crucificada ... a dolorida ...

sombra de névoa ténue e esvaecida,
e que o destino amargo, triste e forte,
impele brutalmente para a morte!
alma de luto sempre incompreendida! ...

sou aquela que passa e ninguém vê ...
sou a que chamam triste sem o ser ...
sou a que chora sem saber porquê ...

sou talvez a visão que alguém sonhou,
alguém que veio ao mundo pra me ver
e que nunca na vida me encontrou!

Florbela Espanca

under water

running against the clock...

i no longer [know if i] know what it is to feel...

dive

they say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
you don't have to drink right now
but you can dip your feet
every once in a little while

sr. engenheiro

os olhos azul muito claros, mostravam uma ternura e um olhar curioso para um mundo onde nem sempre compreendia muitas das coisas “dos tempos modernos”, mas onde acreditava plenamente que se os valores fossem fortes, que as pessoas acabariam por fazer sempre o correcto.

simpático por natureza, metia conversa com qualquer pessoa que lhe devolvesse o sorriso, e tinha sempre o cuidado de “não ser indelicado”. no entanto, tinha um espírito reservado e era naturalmente introspectivo.

todos os que trabalharam com ele, falam do talento, da justiça e da rectidão do sr. engenheiro.

a sua desenvoltura e a capacidade de aprendizagem enormes, contribuíam para a mestria em tudo o que eram trabalhos manuais: fazer mesas, quadros, ou tapetes de arraiolos com 15 metros de comprimento que doava à igreja, eram actividades que o “ajudavam a pensar”. não gostava de viajar de avião, e por isso conheceu toda a europa de carro, com pé pesado, porque “os carros bons são para isso”.

os conselhos, histórias, e enorme sabedoria eram partilhadas numa partida de crapot, ou numa lenta tarde de domingo à frente de uma lareira com um copo grande de coca-cola na mão [que não bebia mas que tinha sempre para os netos que "gostavam dessas coisas"].

era rígido na educação dos filhos, que contrastava com episódios de carinho e piadas que contava, sempre exigindo que cada um tivesse o seu papel na família e sociedade, sempre dando o seu melhor.
apoiou a sua mulher em todos os seus projectos, e ambos deixaram uma obra de caridade e de valores que marcaram profundamente uma pequena aldeia ao lado do mar.

sempre amigo, bom com todos os que o seguiam, deixou mais de três gerações com o mais profundo carinho, respeito e admiração. quando eu mais precisei, ele esteve lá para mim.

ontem, no culminar de uma doença ingrata, degenerativa e humilhante, fechou os olhos pela última vez.
vou sentir a sua falta...

cleaning up all the mess...

... and off to the islands

exílio

i miss feeling at home

rock

when you throw a rock into the water, it will speed on the fastest course to the bottom of the water. this is how it is when siddhartha has a goal, a resolution. siddhartha does nothing, he waits, he thinks, he fasts, but he passes through the things of the world like a rock through water, without doing anything, without stirring; he is drawn, he lets himself fall. his goal attracts him, because he doesn't let anything enter his soul which might oppose the goal. this is what siddhartha has learned among the shramana.

this is what fools call magic and of which they think it would be effected by means of the daemons. nothing is effected by daemons, there are no daemons. everyone can perform magic, everyone can reach his goals, if he is able to think, if he is able to wait, if he is able to fast.

Herman Hesse in Siddharta

over the edge

when you’re thinking if you should jump off, there are times that someone just comes and pushes you over.

all of the sudden, despite the free falling, you feel free, and you know that everything is going to be alright

identity theft

just found out that someone's has been posing as myself in the internet
signing lots of things under my real name...

a small step

i think we're going to the moon because it's in the nature of the human being to face challenges.
it's by the nature of his [most] deep inner soul ...
we're required to do these things just as a salmon is to swim upstream

it suddenly struck me: that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth.
i [could] put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the [entire] planet Earth.

i didn't feel like a giant.
i felt very, very small.

Neil Armstrong

às vezes

às vezes, o fim de tudo anuncia um começo
[mesmo que seja difícil ter os olhos e o coração claros]

às vezes, o fim de tudo anuncia uma chegada
[uma etapa terminada, uma evolução: uma verdade inesgotável que fica para trás]

às vezes, o fim de tudo é escuro
[um manto de verdades mal contadas: espelhos côncavos de todas as ilusões]

às vezes, o fim de tudo é claro
[uma luz, uma presença, liberta todas as negações]

às vezes, o fim de tudo é apenas uma partida que alguém esqueceu de nos avisar
[, às vezes, o fim de tudo é simplesmente um até já]

crossroads of fate

o destino de alguns foi desenhado por gigantes que pensavam que todos somos iguais

spaceman

well now i'm back at home and-
i’m looking forward to this life i live;
you know it's gonna haunt me,
so hesitation to this life i give.
you think you might cross over,
you caught between the devil and the deep blue sea;
you better look it over,
before you make that leap!

and you know i'm fine, but i hear those voices at night
sometimes... they justify my claim,
and the public don’t dwell on my transmission
'cause it wasn’t televised...

but, it was a turning point,
oh what a lonely night!

the star maker says, "it ain't so bad"
the dream maker's gonna make you mad
the spaceman says, "everybody look down!
its all in your mind!"

it's all in my mind...

amostra sem valor

eu sei que o meu desespero não interessa a ninguém.
cada um tem o seu: pessoal e intransmissível:
[e] com ele se entretém e se julga intangível.

eu sei que a humanidade é mais gente do que eu,
sei que o mundo é maior do que o bairro onde habito,
que o respirar de um só, mesmo que seja o meu,
não pesa num total que tende para infinito.

eu sei que as dimensões impiedosas da vida
ignoram todo o homem, dissolvem-no, e, contudo,
nesta insignificância, gratuita e desvalida,
[o] Universo sou eu, com nebulosas e tudo.

António Gedeão

beginning

in the beginning the Universe was created. this has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move

Douglas Adams

SHIUUUU

o meu maior medo é que tenha um desastre grave e niguém se aperceba durante dias [e que nunca percebas o que realmente sinto por ti]

waiting

sê paciente; espera

que a palavra amadureça

e se desprenda como um fruto

ao passar o vento que a mereça

Eugénio de Andrade

simple

i don’t need you to win a Nobel prize, able to discuss and reveal the most amazing, dark and deep secrets of the universe,

i don’t need you to be miss universe, the entire world falling in awe whenever you pass by, being every little girl dream and every man object of desire

i don’t need you to be miss congeniality, the nicest person on earth and the most amazing hostess there is, making everyone around feeling great

i don’t need you to be a Aphrodite, the most sensual woman, knowing your craft and turning me to ashes with passion and desire

i don’t need you to be a saint, a perfect example of purity and virtue, not having any human flaw and being the most generous and selfless person

i don’t need you to be an adventurer, exploring all corners of the world, always willing to engage in a new experience, to unravel the jungles of south America, escalate the icebergs of the pole or jump over the holes in the moon

i don’t need you to be a Picasso or a poet, having an extraordinary vision of the world, and, with an unending creativity, being able to communicate it through all sorts of art forms, awakening all sorts of feelings on everyone

i don’t need you to be Machiavelli, perfectly able to read and understand human nature and psychology, engage in plans on how to bend it at your will, and moving people as a master chess player

i don’t need you to be the perfect mother, always being there for your children, caring and loving them at all times, an example of dedication, yet able to allow them to grow and become the best and most solid men and women

i don’t need you to be the perfect wife, backing your husband at any time, yet challenging him, being his equal, and building the most amazing relationship

i don’t need you to be a general, always knowing your path, able to make swift and well reasoned decisions, never having doubts nor dwelling on indecision, always brave, never afraid nor showing any signs of weakness


i just want you to be you
with all the amazing things you bring to [my] life
[trying] always [to be] true

i want you to live and find out about life [by my side ]
and most importantly, i just want you to love me for who i am[, not for a dream]

i just want to be the One for you
it’s that simple

dark alley

[shut down]

wanted to say that...
wanted to see you...
wanted to feel you...

can't think...
can't talk...
can't write...

want to take your arms
get you close
smell your hair
lie down
close my eyes
sleep

human (II)

the most soul fulfilling of human strengths are selfless unconditional love and dedication: with them nothing else matters and everything is possible…

human

the most soul destructive of human weaknesses are pride and jealously:
they can corrupt even the most pure of souls, destroying all dreams and goodness on their path...

untouched [little pieces of heaven series]

hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping
left its seeds while I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains
within the sound of silence

people do stupid things when they're in love...

... even if that means acting like a jerk

dustland fairytale

the dustland fairytale beginning
with just another white trash county kiss in '61.
long brown hair, and foolish eyes.
he'd look just like you'd want him to
some kind of slick chrome american prince.

blue jean serenade
moon river what you do to me.
i don't believe you.

change came in disguise of revelation, set his soul on fire.
she said she always knew he'd come around.
and the decades disappear
like sinking ships but we persevere.
god gives us hope but we still fear, we don't know.

your mind is poisoned.
castles in the sky, sit stranded, vandalized.
the drawbridge is closing.

saw cinderella in a party dress, she was looking for a nightgown.
i saw the devil wrapping up his hands, he's getting ready for the showdown.
i saw the ending where they turned the page, i threw my money and i ran away.
sent to the valley of the great divide
out where the dreams all hide.
out where the wind don't blow,
out here the good girls die.
and the sky moves slow
out here the bird don't sing
out here the field don't blow
out here the bell don't ring
out hear the bell don't ring
out here the good girls die
now cinderella don't you go to sleep, it's such a bitter form of refuge.
why don't you know the kingdoms under siege and everyone needs you
is there still magic in the midnight sun, or did you leave it back in '61?
in the cadence of a young man's eyes.
out where the dreams all hide

better times will come

este céu passará e então
teu riso descerá dos montes pelos rios
até desaguar no nosso coração

Ruy Bello

...

frozen to act [frozen to feel]

não consigo dominar este estado de ansiedade:
a pressa de chegar, p'ra não chegar tarde

não sei de que é que eu fujo, será desta solidão?
mas porque é que eu recuso quem quer dar-me a mão ?

esta insatisfação... não consigo compreender.
sempre esta sensação que estou a perder.

tenho pressa de sair, quero sentir ao chegar
[tenho] vontade de partir p'ra outro lugar

vou continuar a procurar a quem eu me quero dar
vou continuar a procurar a minha forma, o meu lugar

porque até aqui eu só:
quero ir, onde eu não vou
estou bem, onde eu não estou
quero quem não conheci,
quero quem eu nunca vi.

sleepless

fight?
everyone leaves

love?
i'm so easily replaced

dream?
there's no one to share it with

realize

take [your] time to realize
that i am on your side
[that i always will be]
that your warmth face [crashes] down on me
[that my eyes can never lie]
[and that all] this can pass you by

didn't i, didn't i tell you?
(but i can't spell it out for you,
no, it's never gonna be that simple)
no, i can't spell it out for you

[so] if you just realize what i just realized
that we'd be perfect for each other
and we'll never find another
just realize what i just realized
[that] we'd never have to wonder
if we missed out on each other,

it's not the same
no, it's never the same
if you don't feel it too…

[but] if you meet me half way
if you [could just] meet me half way
it could be the same for you
[and you’d realize you feel it too]

independently of what I say...

... my eyes always tell the truth

it hurts like hell having to lie to set you free

the paradoxical commandments

people are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

forgive them anyway.

if you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

be kind anyway.

if you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

succeed anyway.

if you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

be honest and frank anyway.

what you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

build anyway.

if you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

be happy anyway.

the good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

do good anyway.

give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
give the world the best you've got anyway. you see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

it was never between you and them anyway

always MM

in a far away planet there is a rose, she lives in her own world, with her roots buried deep in the ground.

despite being beautiful, she has big and very sharp thorns that kept anyone to get close.

disappointed with her loneliness, she believed she wasn’t pretty enough, she wasn’t smart enough. for many years, she couldn’t grow, just because the world to her was an ugly place: there were too many caterpillars that could attack her, she should expose herself too much to the sun or to the cold wind, and, sensitive as [thought] she was, that could hurt or even destroy her. so, she preferred to have her roots in one place, where she knew she was in control.

still, she dreamt with happiness, fairy tales and beautiful gardens. spreading her roots to far off places and knowing many other flowers and tasting all different sorts of water. but all her fears paralysed her, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t grow, and that sunk her heart.

one day, coming from a passing comet, a prince landed on her planet. he had childish, inquisitive eyes, and looked at everything as new. the rose, surprised with this foreigner, lured him. the prince came closer, started talking to the rose but got stung on one thorn. scared, he moved back, sucking his finger to stop his blood, and stared at the rose from a distance: he could see her fears, he could see her heart, and he could even see [and understand] her thorns. his eyes shone, brightly green; feeling lucky to have found her, his heart danced.

he timidly approached her [he too was scared to get hurt], and started talking to her. she showed him a world full of colour and feelings. the star crossed prince, previously numbed by all travelling, past experiences disappointments, started to feel again. she taught him how to dream again, how to look forward for the future. she was demanding, stubborn, and always kept a distance. however, magic sparked whenever they were together, and slowly the prince fell totally in love for the rose.

the prince used to travel a lot, taking comets to other distance planets [he was an important prince], leaving the rose alone on her planet. wherever he was, he would always look at the night sky and remember his rose, longing to come back, to be with her, to smell her.

he came back to the rose’s planet every time he could, and she awaited him pretending sorrow, and defensive for him to leave her, and that hurt the prince. she tried to make him less important than he was, letting him know of all other flowers she knew. then the prince would started talking again, and by each magic moment, the rose started to bloom and spread her roots further.

as he saw her blooming, the prince vowed to love her, to protect her no matter what. even as her thorns wounded him, bleeding him, the prince was happy. for him all that mattered was that somewhere in the entire universe, there was a rose.

a special rose for him, that would some day bloom and he that could dream to be with her

alone

and all the wonders made for the Earth

and all the hearts in all creation

somehow I always end up alone

so I play,

I'll wait

'cause you know that love takes time

we came so far
just the beat of a lonely heart
and it's mine

i don't want to [...]

[but i] always end up alone

african blues

morna tchora

m'tchora també

mi cu nha violão

mas doci ki mel

tão triste, magoado

mi é tude dia ta pensa na bô

oh flor querida

mi é so bô que m'cré mas tcheu

oh mãe querida

dos m'sei ta tchora

m'oia bo imagem na nha frente

que tud kes grite k'm tava ouvi

consedje k'bô tava dam

carinho ki bô dam

oh mãe querida

bô dôr bé encostam na nha peito

Homenagem: novo miradouro Sophia Mello Breyner [antiga Graça]

iris

irises are very important: they can change
they can tell you that
you project a diferent light

all or nothing [re-write]

there are always [at least] two choices, two paths, two decisions
says Life with its blunt and arrogant rudeness,

there is always [more than] a belief and a goal,
says Hope with its old and wise tenderness,

there is always love,
says Passion with its childish and dreamy strength.