looking for...

... enlightenment

home

there are [at least] seven reasons to fall in love with

chegada a lisboa

slowly, i'm settling in: as i start unpacking, my mind wonders on this old new place, full of memories of a former self that will never come back

a map on my hand, with some stories and places, but mostly undrawn with sketches, projects, dreams and hopes, starts uncovering a restless, almost silent, desire to call this place home

the traveller is still here: this is not, by any chance, the last stop;

however, this is the birth of something unfamiliar so far: a port from where, as thousands of men hundred years ago, i can always leave and return with new stories, discoveries and experiences to share

traveller

i don't really belong anywhere,
yet
here i am

the city

tonight i'll wander over the cobblestones of a city that once saw me leave:
lost, i'm under a night sky that’s no longer mine

off to the roman college city

all that i leave behind

i'm not sure, if all the numbness
i'm feeling right now,
is due to exhaustion,
or due to the tornado
that stormed my soul
in the last few weeks.

dreams

[all] my life,
is changing everyday,
[in] every possible way

though my dreams...
[they're] never quite as it seems,
[it's] never quite as it seems...

photo album [ou diário de uma viagem]

open my eyes.
late. need to rush. quick shower.
sullen eyes. lack of sleep: 3 hours max.
need to catch up.
get suitcase.
get taxi.
shit. forgot cufflinks.
quick call. no one is able to provide some. need to buy on the way.

get into 300 km/h train.
doze at the window.
exit the city.
suburban buildings. who lives here?
speeding up.
countryside. plains and more plains filled with colour and pride.
small towns powder the landscape.
heavy eyes. sleep.
wake up. still the sunny and moving landscape.
half way there.
tunnel. dark.
long time underground.
light again.
mountains. rivers in a new beautiful set.
towns getting closer. getting there.
arrive after 3 hours.

taxi. hotel.
very tired. need to recover.
spa. a quick nap.
cannot oversleep: need to there on time.
knock on the door. suit is ready.
get ready. it’s time to go.
arrive at the church.
don’t know anyone yet
wear my best smile.
congratulations are in order.
big hug.
i’m proud and very happy for you.
it starts. amazing choir.
she gets in. she’s so pretty.
i’m so proud of both.
he cannot stop caressing her hand
can’t stop smiling.
ends. sign my name. now it’s official

old and new faces.
laughs. kisses. hugs.
good to see you.
get in bus.
traffic. much time travelling.
mountains again.
night. full moon. glowing eyes.

palace in the middle of nowhere.
more people than before.
food. wine.
laughs.
more faces. more food. more wine.
stories are told. do you remember when?
pictures are taken. friends are met.

a phone call.
to her. need to share the moment.
her voice.
smile.
a promise? a dream?

magnificent and majestic rooms.
crowd sits down. music sounds.
they smile. they host.
feast surrounded by friends.
more food. more wine.
laughs.
a toast.
a foreign language is clumsily spoken.
more laughs. more toasts.
cigars.
smiles are shared.
eyes meet.

a speech. photos are shown.
i’ve been there many times. remember the good times?
promises are made to repeat these.
an announcement is made.
a new invitation. only next year.
more reasons to smile and believe in love.
even if not my own.

surround the couple. smile. toast.
music sounds again.
dance.
everyone’s so happy.
love the song. send a message.
dance more.
get everyone together.
you were there all this time.
get everyone to dance
too hot.
gardens.
mid night philosophy under the moon coloured trees
love stories are confessed.
raise a glass.
get back. new drink. dance.
im so happy for you.
very late. will miss the bus back.
run. get friends along.
trip back to the city.

alcohol, music and joy run fast in everyone.
songs are sung. more laughs.
need to find a place to go.
very very late. everything is closed.
no hope. need to call it a night.
very tired.
get back to the hotel.
late night meal shared with breakfast takers.
bed. smile.
it was a good a night.
close my eyes. sleep.

378

numbers have power.
if you believe,
they're the magic you need
to make you happy

epilogue

after all is said and done, i.e. when all loose ends are tied up, the story must end, unless of course, the end of the story is used as the seed of a sequel, teasing the reader to jump into a completely new story, where only the characters and the lessons learned are the same.

if these rules are not met, the author may risk babbling into pointless directions, leaving the reader with a sensation of frustration and wasted time, and what could have been a great story gets a very bitter taste ...

[...but then again, that may be exactly what the author intended in the first place.]

human (II)

it matters not how far you reached,
nor how wealthy you got.
the cars, houses and money you owned,
the things that you saw
the problems that you solved
and the land and places that you changed
holds no value at all
the only thing that really matters
are the lifes that you touched
the people that you loved
and the truth in your heart

peter pan

i’m but a child,
with no past, no future
just the excitement of the moment,
waiting for the next surprise.

i gaze the world in awe,
amazed by all its beautiful things
i believe in power and magic,
an unexpected meeting,
the discovery of something new
dreams, and even fairytales

i believe in friendship and in love,
and that there is always someone
to take your hand, and clean your tears
i believe in heroes and in villains,
that there is always someone to look up to,
and someone who tries to bring you down

i fight for what i believe even if it scares or hurts me,
and when i feel beaten from a battle unknown or lost
i get comfort in knowing that my soul can fly,
in the warmth of a happy thought

...in a nutshell

13 billion years ago, an unimaginable amount of energy was required to start a great explosion. soon afterwards, amid a shower of light and heat, the first atoms started to appear, and in a slow, yet amazingly fast process, spanning from the incredibly small to the incredibly huge, energy started to decay into matter forming stars, planets and galaxies.

the milky way appeared, and in the outskirts of one of its thousands “legs”, a solar system inhabited by a single star called “sun”, became home of a tiny blue planet among giants: earth, the third planet closest to the sun.

it was a quiet and silent planet, filled with water until when, 4 billion years ago, coming from the dark depths of the universe, a small planet collided with it, creating the moon and the tides: the conditions of life were set in place.

as in all amazingly beautiful things in the universe, and just 500 million years after, small micro organisms that lived in the water, started to evolve into more complex life forms. fish appeared and monstrous beasts dominated the waters. with the continuous evolution of the atmosphere, this earth started to cool down, and masses of land erupted from the waters.

life is always changing and, challenging the conditions and borders of its limitations, the beasts started to get out of the water searching for food, and in an amazing and complex evolution, huge birds and animals, started their reign in a whole and foreign new world.

but old universe, is both beautiful and treacherous, and for the second time since its birth, a dark asteroid hit the earth, killing most of its life and engulfing it in a dark and cold cloud for ages. however, some species endured, and in the wake of a new challenging era, where most of the giants have disappeared, life brought a new element: man. this frail, and seemingly weaker creature, the first [known] intelligent life form, started to look around, and made earth its home.

man’s curiosity, eagerness, and feelings were insatiable. he learned to control its surrounding, learned to live together and work together as one. roaming small tribes and gatherings started to grow, and as they discovered fire and the wheel, they managed to get healthier, to hunt and to grow food, get more nurtured, to think strategically and settling in.

its challenging, inquisitiveness spirit and restless soul, lead him to explore, to rationalize, to explain and even to try to imitate the natural events around him, fostering the evolution of science and religion. paintings and music followed short as man sough ways to express himself, to show and enjoy [or even hate] all the feelings and beauty he held in his own private universe to the likes of him.

from small scattered villages, to full empires, rich in culture, arts and science. millions of generations, passed on their legacy, trying to fit in, to find their own place and to evolve in a never ending search for godliness and perfection.

but universe and life, are always changing and surprising, and so, in a not so particular point of time, a little more than 30 years ago, either by chance or by a twist of fate, something that had been happening for thousands of years occurred: two people fell in love. and from their love a girl was born.

You were born.
…and the universe started to make sense

goodbye Madrid I [Bernabeu]

às vezes

às vezes, o fim de tudo anuncia um começo
[mesmo que seja difícil ter os olhos e o coração claros]

às vezes, o fim de tudo anuncia uma chegada
[uma etapa terminada, uma evolução: uma verdade inesgotável que fica para trás]

às vezes, o fim de tudo é escuro
[um manto de verdades mal contadas: espelhos côncavos de todas as ilusões]

às vezes, o fim de tudo é claro
[uma luz, uma presença, liberta todas as negações]

às vezes, o fim de tudo é apenas uma partida que alguém esqueceu de nos avisar
[, às vezes, o fim de tudo é simplesmente um até já]

tonight

tonight let me take your hand,
let us swim in the ocean,
under a star covered sky,
then just lie in the sand with your head on my chest,
while I tell you stories to drive the ghosts away,
shielding you from the cold with my arms

tonight let me take you to all special places,
where streets have all the history of the world,
where Men have fought and loved,
and thousands of stories were carved,
with beauty and romance walking hand in hand,
let their performers entertain us while we discover
that life’s greatness is set in stone and mortar,
and lit by thousands of streetlamps

tonight I’ll wear a dark suit,
and you, a beautiful long dress,
let’s us dance to the piano and rain,
in an ancient ball room,
with princes and kings, ladies and queens.
i’ll let you take the lead,
through a maze of warmth, colour and music,
and the crowd will rejoice
with your beauty and grace

tonight, let us pretend that the past is closed,
that we don’t have any wounds, scars nor fears
let us believe in magic, in dreams, and
write our own wide-eyed tales and fantasies,
let us dive into love and passion,
in a long lasting hug,

tonight let me believe that, even if just for a moment,
we’ll love each other forever no matter what,
and that tomorrow will never come

tonight, be all that you were so far,
be all that you will ever be,
live and believe in all your dreams with me by your side,
until dawn comes, and takes you away from me

frankie & johnny

Frankie: Why do you want to kill yourself sometimes?
Johnny: I want to kill myself sometimes when I think that I'm the only person in the world and that part of me that feels that way is trapped inside this body, that only bumps into other bodies, without ever connecting to the only other person in the world trapped inside of them. We have to connect. We just have to.

(...)
Johnny: You don't have to be afraid anymore.
Frankie: I am. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to be alone, I'm afraid not to be alone. I'm afraid of what I am, what I'm not, what I might become, what I might never become. I don't want to stay at my job for the rest of my life but I'm afraid to leave. And I'm just tired, you know, I'm just so tired of being afraid.

(...)
Johnny: It makes it easier for you to run away:
"You don't know me."
I don't know you? I know you.
What do you want, Frankie?
What do you want?
What do you want from a guy?

Frankie: I want a guy who will love me no matter what.

Johnny: You got him. Here. Me.

Frankie: This is worse than Looking For Mr Goodbar.
I am trying to improve my life and I'm running out of time...
Find someone elsewho is double-parked like you.

Johnny: It could happen. I could meet somebody tomorrow.
Frankie: Don't let me stop you.

Johnny: You're not stopping me, I'm stopping me. I love you.
But I'm so scared. So scared you are gonna retreat back.

the sun is shining...

... and I'm coming home

in the dark

in the darkness,
my hands seek yours,
making sure you're there
making sure you're real.
in the darkness,
my hands find yours,
and they don't want to let go