i was born, raised and trained to endure, withstand and to outlive whatever pains and challenges life brings me...
... but that doesn't mean that i like it when lightning, rain, and wind strike me
terça-feira, 30 de junho de 2009
domingo, 28 de junho de 2009
tonight
tonight let me take your hand,
let us swim in the ocean,
under a star covered sky,
then just lie in the sand with your head on my chest,
while I tell you stories to drive the ghosts away,
shielding you from the cold with my arms
tonight let me take you to all special places,
where streets have all the history of the world,
where Men have fought and loved,
and thousands of stories were carved,
with beauty and romance walking hand in hand,
let their performers entertain us while we discover
that life’s greatness is set in stone and mortar,
and lit by thousands of streetlamps
tonight I’ll wear a dark suit,
and you, a beautiful long dress,
let’s us dance to the piano and rain,
in an ancient ball room,
with princes and kings, ladies and queens.
i’ll let you take the lead,
through a maze of warmth, colour and music,
and the crowd will rejoice
with your beauty and grace
tonight, let us pretend that the past is closed,
that we don’t have any wounds, scars nor fears
let us believe in magic, in dreams, and
write our own wide-eyed tales and fantasies,
let us dive into love and passion,
in a long lasting hug,
tonight let me believe that, even if just for a moment,
we’ll love each other forever no matter what,
and that tomorrow will never come
tonight, be all that you were so far,
be all that you will ever be,
live and believe in all your dreams with me by your side,
until dawn comes, and takes you away from me
let us swim in the ocean,
under a star covered sky,
then just lie in the sand with your head on my chest,
while I tell you stories to drive the ghosts away,
shielding you from the cold with my arms
tonight let me take you to all special places,
where streets have all the history of the world,
where Men have fought and loved,
and thousands of stories were carved,
with beauty and romance walking hand in hand,
let their performers entertain us while we discover
that life’s greatness is set in stone and mortar,
and lit by thousands of streetlamps
tonight I’ll wear a dark suit,
and you, a beautiful long dress,
let’s us dance to the piano and rain,
in an ancient ball room,
with princes and kings, ladies and queens.
i’ll let you take the lead,
through a maze of warmth, colour and music,
and the crowd will rejoice
with your beauty and grace
tonight, let us pretend that the past is closed,
that we don’t have any wounds, scars nor fears
let us believe in magic, in dreams, and
write our own wide-eyed tales and fantasies,
let us dive into love and passion,
in a long lasting hug,
tonight let me believe that, even if just for a moment,
we’ll love each other forever no matter what,
and that tomorrow will never come
tonight, be all that you were so far,
be all that you will ever be,
live and believe in all your dreams with me by your side,
until dawn comes, and takes you away from me
sábado, 27 de junho de 2009
you can't always take the lead...
...sometimes you're just a secondary character in someone else's play
sexta-feira, 26 de junho de 2009
postpone
não posso adiar o amor para outro século
não posso...
ainda que o grito sufoque na garganta
ainda que o ódio estale e crepite e arda sob as montanhas cinzentas
e montanhas cinzentas
não posso adiar este braço
que é uma arma de dois gumes: amor e ódio
não posso adiar
ainda que a noite pese séculos sobre as costas e a aurora indecisa demore
não posso adiar para outro século a minha vida
nem o meu amor
nem o meu grito de libertação
não posso adiar o coração
António Ramos Rosa
não posso...
ainda que o grito sufoque na garganta
ainda que o ódio estale e crepite e arda sob as montanhas cinzentas
e montanhas cinzentas
não posso adiar este braço
que é uma arma de dois gumes: amor e ódio
não posso adiar
ainda que a noite pese séculos sobre as costas e a aurora indecisa demore
não posso adiar para outro século a minha vida
nem o meu amor
nem o meu grito de libertação
não posso adiar o coração
António Ramos Rosa
quinta-feira, 25 de junho de 2009
frankie & johnny
Frankie: Why do you want to kill yourself sometimes?
Johnny: I want to kill myself sometimes when I think that I'm the only person in the world and that part of me that feels that way is trapped inside this body, that only bumps into other bodies, without ever connecting to the only other person in the world trapped inside of them. We have to connect. We just have to.
(...)
Johnny: You don't have to be afraid anymore.
Frankie: I am. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to be alone, I'm afraid not to be alone. I'm afraid of what I am, what I'm not, what I might become, what I might never become. I don't want to stay at my job for the rest of my life but I'm afraid to leave. And I'm just tired, you know, I'm just so tired of being afraid.
(...)
Johnny: It makes it easier for you to run away:
"You don't know me."
I don't know you? I know you.
What do you want, Frankie?
What do you want?
What do you want from a guy?
Frankie: I want a guy who will love me no matter what.
Johnny: You got him. Here. Me.
Frankie: This is worse than Looking For Mr Goodbar.
I am trying to improve my life and I'm running out of time...
Find someone elsewho is double-parked like you.
Johnny: It could happen. I could meet somebody tomorrow.
Frankie: Don't let me stop you.
Johnny: You're not stopping me, I'm stopping me. I love you.
But I'm so scared. So scared you are gonna retreat back.
quarta-feira, 24 de junho de 2009
noite de são joão [begining of a quest]
the mood is of festivities. the entire city came to the street. light hearted and merry, people from all ages gather around, eating, drinking, dancing, and turning day-to-day places into a big warm coloured, music filled, festival. stalls, tents, improvised tables, balconies, and barbecues are everywhere. a huge crowd flows into the city centre: the heart of all of it.
a foreigner in a known land, i walk down the streets, letting myself be led by the crowd. the first breeze fills my soul, and the thousand different scents whisper the beginning of an inflexion point in my life: this is going to be a different summer…
“come closer young man”, an old woman with infinite blue eyes and shades of white signs me to come to her. “you look out of place: physically you’re here, but your heart wanders across your own doubts trying to find its own way”
without talking, i look into her eyes and smile, letting her know how right she is.
“here” – her crumpled hand takes mine, leading me to a stall packed with coloured paper balloons.
“take this” – she hands me a small piece of paper “ask saint john to help you, write down what you yearn the most, your greatest desire, your greatest dream: let go whatever is restraining your heart. let yourself go and let fate and magic surround you in your way”
i frown, not sure what to make of it, and proudly pretend to look puzzled –“don’t worry I won’t look!” she says looking offended, she looks deep in my eyes, grabs my hand again, and changes her face into a warm, wise grin - “just let yourself go, don’t be so defensive, and let your heart out”
i give in. i take the paper and write everything i was holding on to. i write my greatest desire, my greatest fear, letting everything that burdens my heart and soul in a small piece of paper. feeling vulnerable and exposed i hand the paper back to her.
in a thousand year old gesture, she kindly takes it from my hand and places it in a blue and green balloon.
“light it up, and let it go”
getting a candle from the table, i light it up, and admire it flying up, joining thousands of others, that just like mine, carry the hearts and anchors of dreamers.
a feeling of completeness, peace and happiness invades my entire body.
despite all noise, for a brief moment the whole world stops and turns silent.
i lower my eyes, and in the crowd, i recognise you.
not sure if you’re real or a dream, my eyes glow, calling you...
... and amid thousands of people, you look at me and smile.
“i hope, our saint helps you find your own way” – the old lady says, now looking eternal and engulfed in an almost imperceptible octarine glow
“i think he just did”, i reply smiling at her, and turning my back i leave her to look for you.
a foreigner in a known land, i walk down the streets, letting myself be led by the crowd. the first breeze fills my soul, and the thousand different scents whisper the beginning of an inflexion point in my life: this is going to be a different summer…
“come closer young man”, an old woman with infinite blue eyes and shades of white signs me to come to her. “you look out of place: physically you’re here, but your heart wanders across your own doubts trying to find its own way”
without talking, i look into her eyes and smile, letting her know how right she is.
“here” – her crumpled hand takes mine, leading me to a stall packed with coloured paper balloons.
“take this” – she hands me a small piece of paper “ask saint john to help you, write down what you yearn the most, your greatest desire, your greatest dream: let go whatever is restraining your heart. let yourself go and let fate and magic surround you in your way”
i frown, not sure what to make of it, and proudly pretend to look puzzled –“don’t worry I won’t look!” she says looking offended, she looks deep in my eyes, grabs my hand again, and changes her face into a warm, wise grin - “just let yourself go, don’t be so defensive, and let your heart out”
i give in. i take the paper and write everything i was holding on to. i write my greatest desire, my greatest fear, letting everything that burdens my heart and soul in a small piece of paper. feeling vulnerable and exposed i hand the paper back to her.
in a thousand year old gesture, she kindly takes it from my hand and places it in a blue and green balloon.
“light it up, and let it go”
getting a candle from the table, i light it up, and admire it flying up, joining thousands of others, that just like mine, carry the hearts and anchors of dreamers.
a feeling of completeness, peace and happiness invades my entire body.
despite all noise, for a brief moment the whole world stops and turns silent.
i lower my eyes, and in the crowd, i recognise you.
not sure if you’re real or a dream, my eyes glow, calling you...
... and amid thousands of people, you look at me and smile.
“i hope, our saint helps you find your own way” – the old lady says, now looking eternal and engulfed in an almost imperceptible octarine glow
“i think he just did”, i reply smiling at her, and turning my back i leave her to look for you.
segunda-feira, 22 de junho de 2009
inocência [inédito]
as imagens eram próximas,
como que coladas sobre os olhos:
o que nos dava um rosto justo e liso.
os gestos, circulavam sem choques nem ruído,
as estrelas eram maduras como frutos
e os homens eram bons sem dar por isso
como que coladas sobre os olhos:
o que nos dava um rosto justo e liso.
os gestos, circulavam sem choques nem ruído,
as estrelas eram maduras como frutos
e os homens eram bons sem dar por isso
sábado, 20 de junho de 2009
interesting people
os homens queixam-se: não há mulheres interessantes...
as mulheres queixam-se: não há homens interessantes...
mas afinal: somos todos cinzentos e desinteressantes, ou as nossas expectativas [e defesas] são tão altas que já não sabemos conhecer as pessoas?
as mulheres queixam-se: não há homens interessantes...
mas afinal: somos todos cinzentos e desinteressantes, ou as nossas expectativas [e defesas] são tão altas que já não sabemos conhecer as pessoas?
sexta-feira, 19 de junho de 2009
quinta-feira, 18 de junho de 2009
when the world stops around us [um conto no Rossio]
"iam os dois pela rua, de mãos dadas.
dir-se-ia que não pisavam o chão. dir-se-ia que deslizavam, que vogavam, que voavam.
a felicidade estava-lhes cunhada nos rostos; e também nos gestos, nos sorrisos, no olhar.
iam de mãos dadas pela rua e iam muito felizes.
ela tinha os cabelos longos e soltos, o tronco alto. os seios puxados para a frente, as pernas esbeltas e livres, saias curtas. ele era um pouco mais alto, um pouco apenas, camisa aberta, calças de ganga, uma pequena mala, daquelas malas dos antigos guarda-freios da carris, a tiracolo. isso: a mala estava a tiracolo, e eles iam muito felizes, os dois, de mãos dadas.
nem sequer reparavam que muitas pessoas os observavam. algumas pessoas com a conivência de um sorriso. outras pessoas com um ressaibo de inveja, no olhar de esguelha. pararam um pouco em frente à pastelaria suíça, no Rossio, ele disse qualquer coisa a ela, ela encolheu os ombros. não deixavam de sorrir enquanto conversavam. depois entraram e beberam café.
a esplanada da suíça estava cheia de sol e de estrangeiros. um vendedor de lotaria ofereceu jogo. um rapaz sujo pediu algum dinheiro. dois homens encontraram-se e abraçaram-se com efusão. uma mulher apressada deu um encontrão num cego. um cigano tentava vender relógios. um polícia contemplava as coisas com evidente indiferença.
o rapaz e a rapariga decidiram, depois de tomar café, passear pelo Rossio. estavam muito felizes. e é bom que se repita isto, porque as pessoas, habitualmente, andam para aí cheias de infelicidade, ao menos que haja alguém feliz, mesmo que seja uma ou duas pessoas.
passeavam pelo Rossio e, de vez em quando, davam beijos, sempre sorrindo um para o outro, como se estivessem a sorrir para todo o mundo, e todo o mundo experimentava uma grande sensação de espanto e de júbilo. paravam junto às montras do Rossio, olhavam, claro, mas não fixavam nada do que nas montras se expunha, só sabiam um do outro, só estavam ali juntos para apenas estar um com o outro, juntos e assim mesmo: de mãos dadas e aos beijos.
foi numa dessas ocasiões. beijavam-se tão felizes, tão um do outro, que essa felicidade molestou uma senhora obesa e flácida. a senhora obesa e flácida estacou, indignada, a fuzilá-los com as balas do ódio.
e gritou:
— não podiam fazer isso em casa?
a rapariga dos longos cabelos e seios puxados para a frente deixou o beijo a meio. o rapaz experimentou uma estranha sensação de pasmo.
olharam-se.
e foi então que a rapariga respondeu, indicando tudo em redor:
— esta é a nossa casa!
nesse instante trémulo, o mundo
feliz,
começou a aplaudir."
Baptista-Bastos
dir-se-ia que não pisavam o chão. dir-se-ia que deslizavam, que vogavam, que voavam.
a felicidade estava-lhes cunhada nos rostos; e também nos gestos, nos sorrisos, no olhar.
iam de mãos dadas pela rua e iam muito felizes.
ela tinha os cabelos longos e soltos, o tronco alto. os seios puxados para a frente, as pernas esbeltas e livres, saias curtas. ele era um pouco mais alto, um pouco apenas, camisa aberta, calças de ganga, uma pequena mala, daquelas malas dos antigos guarda-freios da carris, a tiracolo. isso: a mala estava a tiracolo, e eles iam muito felizes, os dois, de mãos dadas.
nem sequer reparavam que muitas pessoas os observavam. algumas pessoas com a conivência de um sorriso. outras pessoas com um ressaibo de inveja, no olhar de esguelha. pararam um pouco em frente à pastelaria suíça, no Rossio, ele disse qualquer coisa a ela, ela encolheu os ombros. não deixavam de sorrir enquanto conversavam. depois entraram e beberam café.
a esplanada da suíça estava cheia de sol e de estrangeiros. um vendedor de lotaria ofereceu jogo. um rapaz sujo pediu algum dinheiro. dois homens encontraram-se e abraçaram-se com efusão. uma mulher apressada deu um encontrão num cego. um cigano tentava vender relógios. um polícia contemplava as coisas com evidente indiferença.
o rapaz e a rapariga decidiram, depois de tomar café, passear pelo Rossio. estavam muito felizes. e é bom que se repita isto, porque as pessoas, habitualmente, andam para aí cheias de infelicidade, ao menos que haja alguém feliz, mesmo que seja uma ou duas pessoas.
passeavam pelo Rossio e, de vez em quando, davam beijos, sempre sorrindo um para o outro, como se estivessem a sorrir para todo o mundo, e todo o mundo experimentava uma grande sensação de espanto e de júbilo. paravam junto às montras do Rossio, olhavam, claro, mas não fixavam nada do que nas montras se expunha, só sabiam um do outro, só estavam ali juntos para apenas estar um com o outro, juntos e assim mesmo: de mãos dadas e aos beijos.
foi numa dessas ocasiões. beijavam-se tão felizes, tão um do outro, que essa felicidade molestou uma senhora obesa e flácida. a senhora obesa e flácida estacou, indignada, a fuzilá-los com as balas do ódio.
e gritou:
— não podiam fazer isso em casa?
a rapariga dos longos cabelos e seios puxados para a frente deixou o beijo a meio. o rapaz experimentou uma estranha sensação de pasmo.
olharam-se.
e foi então que a rapariga respondeu, indicando tudo em redor:
— esta é a nossa casa!
nesse instante trémulo, o mundo
feliz,
começou a aplaudir."
Baptista-Bastos
forever
"porque curiosamente, onde menos te encontro é onde tu exististe.
desprendeste-te donde estiveste e é em mim que mais me acontece tu estares.
mas nem sempre.
quantos dias se passam sem tu apareceres.... e às vezes penso é bom que assim seja para eu aprender a estar só.
mas de outras vezes tu rompes-me pela vida dentro e eu quase sufoco da tua presença. ouço-te dizer o meu nome e eu corro ao teu encontro e digo-te vai-te, vai-te embora. por favor.
e eu sinto-me logo tão infeliz.
e digo-te não vás.
fica.
para sempre."
Vergilio Ferreira in "Para Sempre"
desprendeste-te donde estiveste e é em mim que mais me acontece tu estares.
mas nem sempre.
quantos dias se passam sem tu apareceres.... e às vezes penso é bom que assim seja para eu aprender a estar só.
mas de outras vezes tu rompes-me pela vida dentro e eu quase sufoco da tua presença. ouço-te dizer o meu nome e eu corro ao teu encontro e digo-te vai-te, vai-te embora. por favor.
e eu sinto-me logo tão infeliz.
e digo-te não vás.
fica.
para sempre."
Vergilio Ferreira in "Para Sempre"
quarta-feira, 17 de junho de 2009
lucky
do you hear me,
i'm talking to you
across the water across the deep blue ocean
under the open sky oh my,
baby i'm trying
boy i hear you in my dreams
i feel your whisper across the sea
i keep you with me in my heart
you make it easier when life gets hard
i'll wait for you i promise you, i will
lucky to have been where i have been
lucky to be coming home again
and so i'm sailing through the sea
to an island where we'll meet
you'll hear the music, fell the air
i'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
move so pretty you're all i see
as the world keeps spinning round
you hold me right here right now
i'm talking to you
across the water across the deep blue ocean
under the open sky oh my,
baby i'm trying
boy i hear you in my dreams
i feel your whisper across the sea
i keep you with me in my heart
you make it easier when life gets hard
i'll wait for you i promise you, i will
lucky to have been where i have been
lucky to be coming home again
and so i'm sailing through the sea
to an island where we'll meet
you'll hear the music, fell the air
i'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
move so pretty you're all i see
as the world keeps spinning round
you hold me right here right now
segunda-feira, 15 de junho de 2009
numb
agora que o silêncio é um mar sem ondas,
e que nele posso navegar sem rumo,
não respondas às urgentes perguntas que te fiz
deixa-me ser feliz
assim,
já tão longe de ti como de mim...
perde-se a vida a desejá-la tanto
só soubemos sofrer, enquanto o nosso amor durou
mas o tempo passou: há calmaria...
não perturbes a paz que me foi dada
ouvir de novo a tua voz seria
matar a sede com água salgada
e que nele posso navegar sem rumo,
não respondas às urgentes perguntas que te fiz
deixa-me ser feliz
assim,
já tão longe de ti como de mim...
perde-se a vida a desejá-la tanto
só soubemos sofrer, enquanto o nosso amor durou
mas o tempo passou: há calmaria...
não perturbes a paz que me foi dada
ouvir de novo a tua voz seria
matar a sede com água salgada
sábado, 13 de junho de 2009
fácil de entender
talvez por não saber falar de cor,
imaginei...
talvez por não saber o que não será melhor,
aproximei...
meu corpo é o teu corpo o desejo entregue a nós
sei lá eu o que queres dizer,
despedir-me de ti, adeus
um dia voltarei a ser feliz
eu já não sei se sei o que é sentir
o teu amor,
não sei, o que é sentir,
se por falar falei pensei que se falasse
era fácil de entender
triste é o virar de costas, o último adeus
sabe Deus o que quero dizer
obrigado por saberes cuidar de mim,
tratar de mim,
olhar para mim,
escutar quem sou,
e se ao menos tudo fosse igual a ti
imaginei...
talvez por não saber o que não será melhor,
aproximei...
meu corpo é o teu corpo o desejo entregue a nós
sei lá eu o que queres dizer,
despedir-me de ti, adeus
um dia voltarei a ser feliz
eu já não sei se sei o que é sentir
o teu amor,
não sei, o que é sentir,
se por falar falei pensei que se falasse
era fácil de entender
triste é o virar de costas, o último adeus
sabe Deus o que quero dizer
obrigado por saberes cuidar de mim,
tratar de mim,
olhar para mim,
escutar quem sou,
e se ao menos tudo fosse igual a ti
sexta-feira, 12 de junho de 2009
lost
como é possível perder-te
sem nunca te ter achado
minha raiva de ternura
meu ódio de conhecer-te
minha alegria profunda
sem nunca te ter achado
minha raiva de ternura
meu ódio de conhecer-te
minha alegria profunda
quarta-feira, 10 de junho de 2009
terça-feira, 9 de junho de 2009
segunda-feira, 8 de junho de 2009
vazio
[ontem] roubei todas as rosas dos jardins
e cheguei ao pé de ti de mãos [e alma] vazias
Eugénio de Andrade
e cheguei ao pé de ti de mãos [e alma] vazias
Eugénio de Andrade
fallen angel
what's the point?
[i hate being in exile,
i hate mondays,]
i screwed up,
even when i naïvely though
i was doing the right thing,
[yes, i'm that stupid...]
so...
what's the point in doing good,
what's the point in being there,
what's the point of letting people in,
what's the point of trusting,
what's the point of dreaming,
what's the point of giving second chances,
what's the point of loving,
if sooner or later,
something will blow up
[either I or someone else will do it],
and shatter my heart?
[i hate being in exile,
i hate mondays,]
i screwed up,
even when i naïvely though
i was doing the right thing,
[yes, i'm that stupid...]
so...
what's the point in doing good,
what's the point in being there,
what's the point of letting people in,
what's the point of trusting,
what's the point of dreaming,
what's the point of giving second chances,
what's the point of loving,
if sooner or later,
something will blow up
[either I or someone else will do it],
and shatter my heart?
domingo, 7 de junho de 2009
despedida
se ao dizer adeus à vida,
as aves todas do céu,
me dessem na despedida
o teu olhar derradeiro,
esse olhar que era só teu,
amor que foste o primeiro,
que perfeito coração
no meu peito morreria,
meu amor na tua mão,
nessa mão onde perfeito
bateu meu coração
as aves todas do céu,
me dessem na despedida
o teu olhar derradeiro,
esse olhar que era só teu,
amor que foste o primeiro,
que perfeito coração
no meu peito morreria,
meu amor na tua mão,
nessa mão onde perfeito
bateu meu coração
never meant to hurt
devias estar aqui rente aos meus lábios
para dividir contigo esta amargura
dos meus dias partidos um a um
eu vi a terra limpa no teu rosto,
só no teu rosto e nunca em mais nenhum
Eugénio de Andrade
para dividir contigo esta amargura
dos meus dias partidos um a um
eu vi a terra limpa no teu rosto,
só no teu rosto e nunca em mais nenhum
Eugénio de Andrade
sábado, 6 de junho de 2009
for good
i've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led
to those who help us most to grow
if we let them
and we help them in return
well, i don't know if i believe that's true
but i know i'm who i am today
because i knew you...
who can say if i've been changed for the better?
but because i knew you
i have been changed for good
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led
to those who help us most to grow
if we let them
and we help them in return
well, i don't know if i believe that's true
but i know i'm who i am today
because i knew you...
who can say if i've been changed for the better?
but because i knew you
i have been changed for good
sexta-feira, 5 de junho de 2009
days to dream
the court was packed. Everyone was wearing their best outfits, and the mood was of happiness and light. The smell of fresh white flowers, a low buzz from the crowd, some background singing voices tuning up an imperceptible melody, coloured the scene. However my heart grew restless.
All the planning, all of last year’s hard work, had come to this.
And what for? This meant nothing; it was just a stepping stone, a show for the world to see what i what always knew in my heart.
My eyes sought the crowd, all these familiar faces [and some complete strangers], I never imagined there would be so many people [even though, I know, I was partially responsible for it]. I kept on looking to the main door, a contrast of strong bright light from the dimly lit room. I only hoped to see one shadow coming from there.
“- they’re very late already. they should’ve been here 30 minutes ago, where are they?” – a friendly voice told me from behind, growing worried and impatient at every tick of the clock.
“- i told you she was no good for you, that she couldn’t go through with it, she’s loyal to no one but herself.”, said my brother, now my best man, who was always worried about me: he was more afraid of seeing me get hurt than myself…
“- don’t worry. She will come”, i smiled filling the chest and facing a crowd, that was starting to grow eager for something to happen
“- How do you know? How can you tell? She’s always so unreliable!”
“- i just know. i know her better than anyone”
I resumed my poise, alone in the middle of the room, waiting.
all of the sudden, an immense sense of urgency mixed with sadness and despair started filling my heart. I had had that feeling before. It meant only one thing.
“- I need to go”
“- What??” – screamed my brother – “ you cannot leave! Everyone is waiting, first her, now you! What’s next?”
“- She needs me. I’ll be back. Hold everything together”
And in a very quick pace I left the church, leaving my brother behind, mad at me, but trying not to make a scene and assuring everyone that everything was alright, it would only take a few more minutes for the ceremony to begin. The buzz now, turned into a loud rumble.
The daylight, burned my eyes, and as I walked round the church, only one thought crossed my mind: I needed to find her.
I walked for a while, while all sorts of feelings and tragedies crossed my mind.
Where was she? How is she? What happened?
As I crossed the park, I saw her.
Fully dressed in pure white.
Gorgeous.
With an elegance only she has.
My heart stopped for a moment, only to start running afterwards the way only she could make it.
She was walking fast towards me, looking down, not seeing anything and with a furious expression on her face. Her parents and brother were trying to keep pace, far behind, calling her, but she listened to no one. The driver, was taking the car slowly in the road by her side, as if waiting for her to make up her mind.
She saw me.
She stopped.
The entire world faded into the background.
Her look changed to puzzled and innocent, just like a child who was caught in some wrongdoing, and who would never admit to be wrong. I got in front of her.
“- You shouldn’t see me yet. It’s bad luck”
“- Since when are you superstitious?”, I smiled, “I knew you needed me right now, so I came.”
Her eyes gazed mine, shining, yet deeply sad.
“- I don’t want to hurt you...”, she started saying being cut all of sudden by a sob
“- Don’t say that and please don’t worry with me. What’s bothering you?”
Taking a deep breath, she started pouring out everything at once,
“- it’s just…
It’s just that we don’t know each other that well and there is a whole life ahead of us, what if we’re not happy?
What if you grow tired of all my insecurities and fears and just leave me for another woman?
What if I’m not a good mother?
or what if I hurt you so much, without even noticing it?
I know you like to travel and taking new experiences, that you can’t stay long in the same place, and that you’ll always be looking for more, when will you grow tired of all of this?
When will you grow tired of me?
And all of this wedding… all those people… this is not me! Is too conventional… too crowded... and I love you but I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t know if this is what I want”
And there she was: the one person in the world I loved, the one I could never ever live apart anymore. There was no doubt, no shades, and it looked that I lived my entire life to get to this moment. All I was, all my experiences, all lead me to this: to be here with her, right now.
“I wish you could see what I see.
Girlie girl, I have lived a great life so far, but it was empty until I found you.
I have never been so complete and so happy since I know you.
I know we still have a lot to learn from each other, and have a full life ahead of us.
But girl, I want to live or at least share the rest of my life with you: to travel all around the world, build a new home [or several], meet new people, explore the beauty of world, of arts, of us, and experience all sort of new things. All of this, I can’t even imagine living them without you. Just knowing that at the end of the day, it is you I hear and see is enough to make me happy everyday of my life.
Even when we're angry at each other, after we had a fight, knowing that we’ll live through the day makes me feel the luckiest man on Earth.
You will be the most amazing mother there is, because you have so much goodness and love in your heart [ok, I’ll play the rough dad so they grow to full adults].
And all your fears and insecurities? They’re part of who you are: they’re the other side of you, that balance all of your greatness and makes you human, and I love you for them.
I can never grow tired of you, unless I grow tired of myself.
You make me whole, a better person, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.
There is not a woman in this [or in any other] world, I’d rather spend my life with.
And all of this fuzz? I just want to be with you, I don’t care for the party nor the ceremony, I only care for you. I also don’t want the conventional, because I believe in us, and I want us to be happy, by our own set of rules and wishes, and not by some other people schemes…
So if you want, I’ll take you right now, and only the closest people you want [or just us], I’ll get even more white flowers, and music.
Whatever and wherever you decide, and we’ll make it special, unique, and most important: just ours.
I want to dedicate my life to make you happy, no matter what.
But…
It is your choice: if you share this dream, take my hand and we’ll build it together.
If you don’t think this is what you want, then don’t feel pressured, and just follow your own heart. I’ll never resent you for being truthful.
You already given me so much…
I can only but feel happy that I got to be a part of an amazing story, even if I wasn’t the lead, because girl, your story is going to be the most beautiful of them all.
You’ll always be close to my heart” I took her hand and kissed it.
She looked me in the eyes, tears growing large, but she finally looked in peace. My heart was setting the rhythm of this moment where time stopped.
And hugging me, she whispered:
“- they must be roses, lilies and tulips."
All the planning, all of last year’s hard work, had come to this.
And what for? This meant nothing; it was just a stepping stone, a show for the world to see what i what always knew in my heart.
My eyes sought the crowd, all these familiar faces [and some complete strangers], I never imagined there would be so many people [even though, I know, I was partially responsible for it]. I kept on looking to the main door, a contrast of strong bright light from the dimly lit room. I only hoped to see one shadow coming from there.
“- they’re very late already. they should’ve been here 30 minutes ago, where are they?” – a friendly voice told me from behind, growing worried and impatient at every tick of the clock.
“- i told you she was no good for you, that she couldn’t go through with it, she’s loyal to no one but herself.”, said my brother, now my best man, who was always worried about me: he was more afraid of seeing me get hurt than myself…
“- don’t worry. She will come”, i smiled filling the chest and facing a crowd, that was starting to grow eager for something to happen
“- How do you know? How can you tell? She’s always so unreliable!”
“- i just know. i know her better than anyone”
I resumed my poise, alone in the middle of the room, waiting.
all of the sudden, an immense sense of urgency mixed with sadness and despair started filling my heart. I had had that feeling before. It meant only one thing.
“- I need to go”
“- What??” – screamed my brother – “ you cannot leave! Everyone is waiting, first her, now you! What’s next?”
“- She needs me. I’ll be back. Hold everything together”
And in a very quick pace I left the church, leaving my brother behind, mad at me, but trying not to make a scene and assuring everyone that everything was alright, it would only take a few more minutes for the ceremony to begin. The buzz now, turned into a loud rumble.
The daylight, burned my eyes, and as I walked round the church, only one thought crossed my mind: I needed to find her.
I walked for a while, while all sorts of feelings and tragedies crossed my mind.
Where was she? How is she? What happened?
As I crossed the park, I saw her.
Fully dressed in pure white.
Gorgeous.
With an elegance only she has.
My heart stopped for a moment, only to start running afterwards the way only she could make it.
She was walking fast towards me, looking down, not seeing anything and with a furious expression on her face. Her parents and brother were trying to keep pace, far behind, calling her, but she listened to no one. The driver, was taking the car slowly in the road by her side, as if waiting for her to make up her mind.
She saw me.
She stopped.
The entire world faded into the background.
Her look changed to puzzled and innocent, just like a child who was caught in some wrongdoing, and who would never admit to be wrong. I got in front of her.
“- You shouldn’t see me yet. It’s bad luck”
“- Since when are you superstitious?”, I smiled, “I knew you needed me right now, so I came.”
Her eyes gazed mine, shining, yet deeply sad.
“- I don’t want to hurt you...”, she started saying being cut all of sudden by a sob
“- Don’t say that and please don’t worry with me. What’s bothering you?”
Taking a deep breath, she started pouring out everything at once,
“- it’s just…
It’s just that we don’t know each other that well and there is a whole life ahead of us, what if we’re not happy?
What if you grow tired of all my insecurities and fears and just leave me for another woman?
What if I’m not a good mother?
or what if I hurt you so much, without even noticing it?
I know you like to travel and taking new experiences, that you can’t stay long in the same place, and that you’ll always be looking for more, when will you grow tired of all of this?
When will you grow tired of me?
And all of this wedding… all those people… this is not me! Is too conventional… too crowded... and I love you but I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t know if this is what I want”
And there she was: the one person in the world I loved, the one I could never ever live apart anymore. There was no doubt, no shades, and it looked that I lived my entire life to get to this moment. All I was, all my experiences, all lead me to this: to be here with her, right now.
“I wish you could see what I see.
Girlie girl, I have lived a great life so far, but it was empty until I found you.
I have never been so complete and so happy since I know you.
I know we still have a lot to learn from each other, and have a full life ahead of us.
But girl, I want to live or at least share the rest of my life with you: to travel all around the world, build a new home [or several], meet new people, explore the beauty of world, of arts, of us, and experience all sort of new things. All of this, I can’t even imagine living them without you. Just knowing that at the end of the day, it is you I hear and see is enough to make me happy everyday of my life.
Even when we're angry at each other, after we had a fight, knowing that we’ll live through the day makes me feel the luckiest man on Earth.
You will be the most amazing mother there is, because you have so much goodness and love in your heart [ok, I’ll play the rough dad so they grow to full adults].
And all your fears and insecurities? They’re part of who you are: they’re the other side of you, that balance all of your greatness and makes you human, and I love you for them.
I can never grow tired of you, unless I grow tired of myself.
You make me whole, a better person, and I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.
There is not a woman in this [or in any other] world, I’d rather spend my life with.
And all of this fuzz? I just want to be with you, I don’t care for the party nor the ceremony, I only care for you. I also don’t want the conventional, because I believe in us, and I want us to be happy, by our own set of rules and wishes, and not by some other people schemes…
So if you want, I’ll take you right now, and only the closest people you want [or just us], I’ll get even more white flowers, and music.
Whatever and wherever you decide, and we’ll make it special, unique, and most important: just ours.
I want to dedicate my life to make you happy, no matter what.
But…
It is your choice: if you share this dream, take my hand and we’ll build it together.
If you don’t think this is what you want, then don’t feel pressured, and just follow your own heart. I’ll never resent you for being truthful.
You already given me so much…
I can only but feel happy that I got to be a part of an amazing story, even if I wasn’t the lead, because girl, your story is going to be the most beautiful of them all.
You’ll always be close to my heart” I took her hand and kissed it.
She looked me in the eyes, tears growing large, but she finally looked in peace. My heart was setting the rhythm of this moment where time stopped.
And hugging me, she whispered:
“- they must be roses, lilies and tulips."
dizem que a paixão o conheceu
conhece a solidão de quem permanece acordado
quase sempre estendido ao lado do sono
pressente o suave esvoaçar da idade
ergue-se para o espelho que lhe devolve um sorriso tamanho do medo
dizem que vive na transparência do sonho
à beira-mar envelheceu vagarosamente
sem que nenhuma ternura,
nenhuma alegria,
nenhum ofício cantante
o tenha convencido a permanecer entre os vivos
quase sempre estendido ao lado do sono
pressente o suave esvoaçar da idade
ergue-se para o espelho que lhe devolve um sorriso tamanho do medo
dizem que vive na transparência do sonho
à beira-mar envelheceu vagarosamente
sem que nenhuma ternura,
nenhuma alegria,
nenhum ofício cantante
o tenha convencido a permanecer entre os vivos
quarta-feira, 3 de junho de 2009
silent film
i am so ashamed
i am so ashamed of all the trouble I have caused
and i am so ashamed of all these unopened doors
i am so ashamed of what I have become
that oh, my heart is bursting again
i don’t need this
but your eyes are turning away
i am of the west
i am fair skinned
i deserve a bullet in my chest
if I have no religion and no reason to be scared
if I am going to hell then I just don’t care
that oh, my heart is bursting again
i don’t need this
but your eyes are turning away
i am so ashamed of all the trouble I have caused
and i am so ashamed of all these unopened doors
i am so ashamed of what I have become
that oh, my heart is bursting again
i don’t need this
but your eyes are turning away
i am of the west
i am fair skinned
i deserve a bullet in my chest
if I have no religion and no reason to be scared
if I am going to hell then I just don’t care
that oh, my heart is bursting again
i don’t need this
but your eyes are turning away
strenght
anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength
Mark Twain
but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength
Mark Twain
eterna espera
...e nunca me disseram o nome daquele oceano
esperei sentada à porta...
dantes escrevia cartas,
punha-me a olhar a risca de mar ao fundo da rua
assim envelheci: acreditando que algum homem ao passar se espantasse com a minha solidão
(anos mais tarde, recordo agora, cresceu-me uma pérola no coração.
mas estou só, muito só, não tenho a quem a deixar)
um dia houve que nunca mais avistei cidades crepusculares
e os barcos deixaram de fazer escala à minha porta.
inclino-me de novo para o pano deste século
recomeço a bordar ou a dormir
tanto faz
sempre tive dúvidas que alguma vez me visite a felicidade
esperei sentada à porta...
dantes escrevia cartas,
punha-me a olhar a risca de mar ao fundo da rua
assim envelheci: acreditando que algum homem ao passar se espantasse com a minha solidão
(anos mais tarde, recordo agora, cresceu-me uma pérola no coração.
mas estou só, muito só, não tenho a quem a deixar)
um dia houve que nunca mais avistei cidades crepusculares
e os barcos deixaram de fazer escala à minha porta.
inclino-me de novo para o pano deste século
recomeço a bordar ou a dormir
tanto faz
sempre tive dúvidas que alguma vez me visite a felicidade
segunda-feira, 1 de junho de 2009
great finale
take a look at yourself in the mirror
who do you see looking back?
is it the person you want to be?
or is there someone else you were meant to be,
the person you should have been but fell short of?
is someone telling you that you can't or you won't?
because you can
believe that love is out there
believe that dreams come true every day
because they do
sometimes happiness doesn't come from money or fame or power
sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family
and from the quiet nobility of living a good life
believe that dreams come true every day
because they do
so take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy,
because you deserve to be
believe that
...and [by the way] believe that dreams come true every day
because they do
who do you see looking back?
is it the person you want to be?
or is there someone else you were meant to be,
the person you should have been but fell short of?
is someone telling you that you can't or you won't?
because you can
believe that love is out there
believe that dreams come true every day
because they do
sometimes happiness doesn't come from money or fame or power
sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family
and from the quiet nobility of living a good life
believe that dreams come true every day
because they do
so take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy,
because you deserve to be
believe that
...and [by the way] believe that dreams come true every day
because they do
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