great expectations

...you can always aim for the sky: getting there will entirely depend on which [or whose] wings you grow [or take]

star gazing

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams
No request is to extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
As sweet fullfillment of their secret drowns
Like a boat out of the blue

Fate steps in and see's you through
Baby when you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

When you wished upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Your dreams come true

[I am someone's star]

love restrained

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain,
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one

claire de lune

nos meus sonhos volto a essa praia deserta e escura
onde te encontrei nua,
onde me perdi, me entreguei, me encontrei
em ti, à noite e à lua

list of essentials

Submissive to everything, open, listening
Try never get drunk outside your own house
Be in love with your life
Something that you feel will find its own form
Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
Blow as deep as you want to blow
Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
Accept loss forever
Believe in the holy contour of life
Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
Don't think of words when you stop but to see picture better
Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in your morning
No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
You're a Genius all the time

what colour are your dreams?

The most important thing about dreams it’s their colour.

The shape, form and paths of dreams do change. They are different from time to time: they depend on where [and who] you are. But while you still have a spark, [while your eyes are still able to glow,] the colours of your dreams won't change. Even if, as you go through life, you use more of a given colour, or even change your palette, the basic colours of your dreams [your true desires, what makes you happy and complete] do not change.

One important thing is that all colours [by themselves] are neutral: they’re neither good nor bad [it is us who choose which way they go]. They just are. Personal, unique and yours to take. For the better and for the worse.

Each person dreams are always complex, with a different mix of colours that makes them unique. There are 5 different pigments that can paint your dreams.

Red is the colour of passion.
For life, love, friendship and every strong feeling you may long for. It is intense. It can drive you to the most romantic love stories, the worst human tragedies, or to insanity. Red does not give up: it keeps its path no matter what, it likes the risk, to lead and inspires others to follow. It is the colour of all of those who like to be challenged, to fight, and to pursue what they want. [If not careful it can become too selfish and self-centred].

Blue is melancholic, introspective and intelligent.
It loves to rationalize, to organize everything around, to dwell in the past and to question [and doubt] everything. It is responsible for the major human achievements in science, philosophy, and [some] poetry. It always has an explanation [or a question] for everything [either for matters of the heart or the mind], it loves predictability and tranquillity.
[If not careful, it leads to insecurity, indecision, and laziness]

Yellow is the colour of lightness.
Everything is happy, light and care-free. The Yellow neither cares about tomorrow nor yesterday. It longs for the moment, the today, for spontaneity. For bright summer days, music and dance. For everything that is close and can happen now. It likes simplicity, and purity of feelings and thoughts. It never stays long, always seeking for new experiences.
[if not careful it is aloof and totally detached of the world and everyone]

Green [the unthinkable child of the Blue and the Yellow], is the colour of hope, of imagination and [questioned by some] a whole colour of its own.
The green loves to daydream, to imagine worlds, romances and adventures. Every leaf is a door to another world, every look a gate to a different soul and a different universe much more fascinating than the previous one. Green loves to see the world with a different [and unique] set of eyes, and spice it up with a careful sense of aesthetic beauty and creativity. It is the colour of the arts, of painters, writers and the storytellers.
[if not careful it can lead to delusion, mix of realities, and deceit]

Octarine is the colour of magic.
When present, octarine dominates all other colours, fading them into the background. It is the colour that transforms everything, a driving force for all other colours that does not believe in impossibility. It is not available to all: only wizards know how to paint dreams with it. And when you’re with one wizard [even if he doesn’t know he’s one], his octarine will flow into you, making everything more real, more clear and possible.
[octarine has a personality of its own, if not taken care of, it can leave you and dim every dream]

No matter what shape your dreams may have: to become a greatest movie start, a renowned scientist, to explore the universe, to fall madly in love and be loved back, to have a big family, to know the world, to embark in unique adventures, to be recognized, etc. whatever they are, they will have different forms and different paths.

If you happen to find that a given path does not lead to what you sought or that you didn’t made it, don’t loose faith. Do not get upset [at least not for long, after all, mourning lost dreams clears the path for new ones]. Your own colours should drive you, they will take you to a new path, a new form, a new shape, that will make your dreams come true.

It may not happen at first, it may not happen at your 10th attempt, but it will happen.
Never let your dreams be a blank canvas, and don’t give up.

After all, only when you know your true colours [,and you understand and accept that there is more than one path, one form, one shape], you will be able to create your own paintings, and bring your dreams and happiness into reality.

to forget a dream

what do you do, when you forgot how to forget?...
and when you don't remember how to dream?...

[I want to play]

Someone asks you to play, just play.
Enjoy your time in the sun and don't whine about it

untitled [plágio II]

comtesse d'haussonville

Men shall suffer in love and in awe for me. I shall inspire them to paint and write the most beautiful love stories, and to touch the hearts of others.
I was born to seduce men; they’re bound to be tangled in my beauty, and my games.

the big apple

pure as new york snow

é incrível o efeito "terapeutico" de uma viagem de 4.000 milhas...

Primavera e a entrar na última semana antes dos 30...
what's next?

todas as mulheres que amei...

...tinham sonhos e asas

françois

Filho de pai franceses, mas nascido em Barcelona. Tem os olhos azuis muito claros, cabelo totalmente branco e a cara marcada pela experiência. Quando fala, o seu sorriso e simpatia são contagiantes, e quando começa a contar as histórias das suas viagens e das pessoas que conheceu, os seus olhos mergulham numa feliz nostalgia.

Já viveu em Barcelona, Madrid, Colombia, Venezuela, Gabão, África do Sul Macau, Irão, Hong Kong, entre outros, e agora, já a pensar em retirar-se da vida activa, vive em Paris.
Nas negociações, tem a astúcia e a inteligência daqueles que sabem o que estão a fazer. E, apesar de ser discreto, a sua presença é forte e não passa despercebida.

A sua mãe casou-se três vezes, dois dos casamentos, com condenados à pena de morte.
Está agora a escrever um livro sobre a sua vida...

home

somebody told me this is where everything gets better, where everything feels safe...

underwater

completamente afogado entre reuniões, vôos, stresses de última hora, e discussões acesas... domir muito pouco. Sinto a falta [e a inspiração] para escrever...

you can't always get what you want...

... but if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need

on my own

it is my will that commands my steps,
on each part of the path, it is me who's driving.
i choose whose advice I take,
and who and what I let [sometimes] to drive me.
it is my heart that commands me to stay, or to walk away,
and even beaten, tortured by [someone else's] guilt, or
just because it doesn't seem so,
I am true,

when I say "I love you", i really mean it,
and I'm ready to take whatever comes from it,
for the better or for the worse,
when I say "see you later", i really mean it,
and I'll come back only when you ask me to

vem

visita-me enquanto não envelheço,
toma estas palavras cheias de medo e surpreende-me com teu rosto de Modigliani suicidado

tenho uma varanda ampla cheia de malvas e o marulhar das noites povoadas de peixes voadores.
vem

ver-me antes que a bruma contamine os alicerces,
as pedras nacaradas deste vulcão a lava do desejo
subindo à boca sulfurosa dos espelhos,
vem

antes que desperte em mim o grito
de alguma terna Jeanne Hébuterne.
a paixão derrama-se quando [a] tua ausência se prende às veias,
prontas a esvaziarem-se do rubro ouro,

perco-te no sono das marítimas paisagens,
estas feridas de barro e quartzo,
[com] os olhos escancarados para a infindável água,
vem

com teu sabor de açúcar queimado,
em redor da noite,
sonhar perto do coração que não sabe como tocar-te

Al Berto

shining

... and at the end of each [lost] battle, I come back to my hide out. I shut the world out. No one is allowed in[, except for you]. Reliving my own sins, rethinking my actions, resetting my goals, this is the moment of solitude, [some say of weakness,] where I am most vulnerable: all the grief, fear, pain and sorrow that I didn't feel when fighting [this is the secret of my strength], come altogether, at the same time. It's a personal moment of hell, where I face and feel all of my wounds.

Alone…

I close my eyes into a free fall in the dark, where all dreams disappear, and my flame [almost] fades away.

Suddenly a shining light takes away the shadows: you come to me, and saying nothing, you embrace me and you love me. In an instant that knows no age, you heal my wounds, one by one, diligently and patiently, mending my broken soul.

With a glowing smile, you kiss me, and depart once more with the promise that one day you’ll stay, that it will be forever. I believe in you with a burning heart and a healed soul [even with my mind saying otherwise]: the balance was set again.

A new dream is set, another world opens up.
Now, I just need something to believe in.

gipsy hearts breaking

Passei a vida a amar e a esquecer...
Atrás do sol dum dia, [um] outro a aquecer
As brumas dos atalhos por onde ando...

E este amor que assim me vai fugindo
É igual a outro amor que vai surgindo,
Que há-de partir também... nem eu sei quando...

Florbela Espanca

i got soul, but I'm not a soldier

When there's nowhere else to run: is there room for one more son?
But if you can hold on, [if you can manage to take it and hold on]: hold on.
[You say] you know, [that] you know [what’s in my heart],
[But] you don't, [no] you don't…

I want to stand up, I want to let go,
I want to shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

[Yet] another head aches, another heart breaks
[and] I am so much older than [what] I can take:
my affection, well it comes and goes
[and I seem to find it hard to know],
I need a direction to perfection,

Help me out
You know you got to help me out
Don't you put me on the blackburner
[Don’t push me away, even when I do,
‘cause you know you got to help me out]
These changes aren’t changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be…

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
[there’s no nowhere else to run,
So,] if you can hold on: hold on.

I am always there if you want me to...

... [and sometimes I'm distant, because that's what I think you want], but I will always come running for you, no matter what. You know what's in my heart.

prelude for spring

there are 6,750,000,000 people in the world...

... the question is: when all your dreams come true, who do you want standing right at your side?

lisbon strolls (I)

what do you do, when chance takes away your dreams?

I played fair, I fought for it, but chance took the best.
Tomorrow, I'll dream again and life will be good,
but today is not such a great day...

l'incontro (Part III and final)

“She lures men to fall in love with her, and they all come to me for help. I asked her to seduce you Gabriel, she doesn’t love you at all…”- said the Devil
“No! You don’t understand!, he’s lying!” – Mary was sobbing; thick tears fell from her eyes clearing the dirt and the blood. Gabriel was devastated; he kept on looking at Mary trying to understand what was real.
“Now, Gabriel, join me, and I’ll give you Mary as a gift. She’ll be your own slave and will do whatever you want. A woman like this doesn’t deserve more than this. Hell, I’ll even throw in a sweetener, you’ll be as rich as you can imagine! What do you say?”
Gabriel kept on looking at Mary. His eyes were fixed in her. He was in pain; his face mirrored the disappointment he was feeling.
“Take me. Leave her alone, and never come back.”- Gabriel said
“Hum… and lose a good recruiter…”
“Take it or leave it!”
“Don’t do that, please don’t!” – shouted Mary, getting up
“I’ll take it!” – the Devil replied, and beaming turned to Mary “- you’re free to go, this contract is good and I’ll leave you alone, for all I care. I no longer had any use for you anyway” – he then turned to Gabriel. – “But you’re coming with me. Now!”
The Devil summoned a knife and headed towards Gabriel, his eyes fixed on his pray, silently laughing.
Mary start sprinting, jumped in front of Devil trying to stop the knife. “Leave him alone! You can’t take him! He has done nothing, I love him! I love him! I love him!” – screamed Mary. In an instant blow, the Devil threw Mary to the ground and dropped the knife, and fiercely looked at her.
A strange glow started shining on Gabriel. A bright blue flame, almost invisible, seemed to cover his entire body. He grew stronger, his face determined, confident. He appeared to grow in size. His eyes were bright green. “I said: leave her alone!”- commanded Gabriel. The Devil turned. Doubt flashed through his eyes. Gabriel swiftly headed towards the Devil grabbed him by his arms, lifting him up. As his hands touched the Devil, smoke started to come out of him. The Devil's face was in pain as he helplessly tried to fight back. “It can’t be! You can’t… I’m the dark one!” – cried the Devil
“Go. And don’t come back.” – directed Gabriel to the Devil. And in a big explosion the Devil disappeared.

Silence.

The world seemed to be oblivious to what happened. Everything around came back to normal. The sounds of the night came back, and the trees seemed to stop holding their breath.
Gabriel was still with his hands in air, but he wasn’t glowing anymore.
He looked exhausted. Beaten.
He slowly turned to Mary, who was sitting on the floor looking at him, still terrorized with what had happened, not knowing who this man was anymore.
“What happened?” - she asked uneasy
“There is only one thing that beats the Devil” – Gabriel calmly said looking into her eyes. She immediately recognized the man she loved, and started smiling.
“When you jumped to the Devil, you were willing to sacrifice yourself for me, just out of love. And my deal with him, was also out of love. You see, we were both willing to die for the other no matter what. That’s true love. That’s the blue flame. The only pure selfless love that is willing to self sacrifice to save us, to make us better, and it is the only thing that beats the Devil in this world.”
He started walking towards her, and taking her on his arms, lifted her up. “Is he gone for good?” – Mary asked
“No, he’ll be around. He’ll be tempting people, luring them to him with poisoned offers, to do his dirty work. But something tells me that we won’t be seeing him again.”- he smiled, his eyes were bright green again. “Let me take you home”
Mary hugged him, kissed his face, and rested her head on his shoulder
“We can go anywhere, I’m already home.”

l'incontro (Part II)

“Leave her alone!” – shouted a voice from behind. The hooded figure turned to find a man standing defiantly looking at him. “I said leave her alone!” – repeated the man.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t a knight in shining armour…” – spitted the hooded figure “- I guess I will have some fun after all, little Mary”, he said. And with a blow on the face, he threw Mary to the ground. Dirt and blood covered Mary’s eyes; she knew whose voice was this. He came. She passed out.
A tall man was standing a couple of meters away, below a streetlight, right in front of the church. He had dark green eyes, and his expression was mixed between determination and defiance. The hooded figure turned and started looking at him in silence, curious, as if watching a new pet eager to show some tricks. He sighed –“What are you doing here, Gabriel?” – uttered the hood in a theatrical tone – “Shouldn’t you be at home sleeping or feeling helpless and sorry for yourself?”
“Go away and leave her alone, this is my last warning…” – replied Gabriel
“Oooh, I’m so scared” – joked the figure “What are you going to do? I’ve been around for thousands of years, no one defeated me. Do you really think you can just come here and scare me away? Do you even know who I am?”
Gabriel took out a small bottle of water and tried to spray him. The hooded figure started laughing and in a second he jumped to Gabriel, punched his hand, and shattered the bottle on the floor.
The figure, removed his hood. It seemed to grow in size, and to darken the entire world into background. Its face wasn’t a face you could have ever seen without invoking your greatest nightmares. It seemed human, but it didn’t have any skin in it. It had strange shapes, and symbols, and its eyes… its eyes were glowing red, as if they were windows to a burning furnace. A look at it caused fear and awakened the most primitive forms of horror and despair.
“I am the prince of darkness, a master of the universe; you have no power over me, the devil to some a dark angel to others. No holy water can harm me: your faith is weak, and so are you. I can crush you like a bug, and darken you to the world so much, that no one you ever held dear will even want to remember you.”
“You shouldn’t be here! This is not your world, it is the world of Man and free choice” – cried Gabriel
“I am! And I’ve always been here, luring Man and its choices to my own will! You’re so easily shepherded…I just need to whisper what you wish, or what you think you do, and you all come crawling…”
“But I know! You can’t interfere… you can’t harm me, you can’t harm Mary!”
“I can harm you, if I so please, I only need a corrupted soul to do my will … and Mary?, she is mine, I own her soul, I can do whatever I please with her…”
The Devil awaited these words to sink in, starring at Gabriel, as he desperately sought a way through. Gabriel looked at Mary, she was still lying on the floor half unconscious. His heart and soul, were gaining strength. “-I need to end this” – thought Gabriel
“But let’s not fight Gabriel, I can be your friend” – the Devil said, as he face gained a frightful but scary look, and his eyes turned into light grey. “- I can sense your anger, your frustration, your fear… don’t fight it, let it go. Turn to me, and I can give you whatever you want” – he said in a warm seductive voice. Mary sighted, she was awaking and looking at the both of them. Gabriel looked at her, and then to the Devil.
“Let Mary go. Release her, and never come back for her again, and I am yours”- he said defiantly
“Oh this is so much fun!”- the Devil’s eyes turned red again, and his expression more frightening than ever – “Do you even know why I own her?”
“No!!! Shut up!” – cried Mary desperately…
“She came to me to seduce a man, someone she had set her heart into. She asked for abilities and skills that would make her fascinating to his eyes. And it worked; she lived a passion for a couple of years. But it turned out, that the man wasn’t who she though he was, he started mistreating her and finally left her for another woman. Little she knew, that that man, is mine as well, she fell right into the trap… She does exactly the same for me now, she lures men to fall in love with her, and they all come to me for help. I asked her to seduce you Gabriel, she doesn’t love you at all…”

in search for the lost time

we constantly seek for those places where [and people with who] we have been happy, but these do not belong to the space nor to anyone anymore. They belong to the past: to time and to the person we once were

water, chocolate and lots of drugs...

... [plus all the One Tree Hill you can watch,] can drive any fever away.
Tomorrow, the city of the thousand lights awaits me [,your city, your dream].

ps. the rest of the tale is to be polished between planes, and posted tomorrow....

l’incontro (part I)

Mary looked back but didn’t see anyone. She knew he was after her. He had come for her. Her heart was speeding up and she increased her pace. The streets were desert and a cool wind was pushing her, as if helping her to run away.
She started hearing footsteps. Determined and slowly paced footsteps that managed to be louder than the wind and the distant cars. Mary was terrified, she didn’t need to look back to see that a black hooded figure, with glowing red eyes was heading towards her. She could feel the scorn of his smile and the scent of his cigar filling the world around her, and her heart warned her that this will be their last encounter.

Terror hit her back. She had nowhere to run, he would always catch her. Her heart was pounding hard, as if trying to run away. She was short of breath, and her legs were failing her. She took her phone, and dialled a number that she had been trying to forget about.
“– Please Gabriel, you got help me. I’m heading towards my house. He’s after me; you got to help me before it’s too late!” – She panicked
“- I thought you didn’t want to see me. Who’s he? What are you talking about?” – an indifferent voice replied - “please, please come, I can’t hold it much longer”- tears were already rolling down her face – “I am sorry, but the number you have dialled can not be reached at the moment, please try again later” – an electronic woman replied: he’d hang up.
Feeling completely alone, and despaired, she tried to run. She would have to try to run away. She knew there was a church close by. There, she would be safe and could ask for help, or wait until the morning to go back home. She had to reach it before he reached her.
Gathering all the energy she could and setting her mind and heart, she sped up. No one was on the streets, and apart from the buzz from a failing streetlamp and the highway cars at a large distance, everything was silent. Her feet echoed in the night, in a fast thumping rhythm.
She had been running for almost 10 min, when she saw the church a couple of blocks down the road. She didn’t hear anyone besides her, and hope start filling her. She was almost there…
“- Stop. You’re not going anywhere.” – voiced a pitch-black playground. His voice was calm, deep and disturbingly seductive. She froze. She couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or if he managed to command her own legs to do his willing.
A tall, black hooded figure, with o red eyes and a cigar glowing from a darkened face came slowly behind the children toys, as if enjoying the feeling that his presence was corrupting such an innocent place.

Mary couldn’t move. “This can’t be happening” All her plans to run away, to be free had just collapsed. She had lost. Her heart sunk and she knew the worse was yet to come.
He came closer to her. “- I missed you Mary, why did you run away?” – there was no anger in his voice, he spoke almost gently, looking at her bottom up, while circling her. He got closer, and whispered into her left ear: “- did you really think I’d let you run away?” – he passed his hand over her back and continued to circle her and got closer to her right ear “- didn’t you missed me at all?” he scorned.
He started to smell her hair. His breath was burning, and she sensed that the trees around revolved around his breathing. She couldn’t stop shivering in fear, and couldn’t say anything. He bit her ear, his teeth burning deeply into her flesh. He then grabbed her strongly by the hair and neck. His grip seemed to be draining all her energy as he forced her to look at him. There were only raging eyes, a blooded mouth and pure hatred.
Mary couldn’t stop shivering; she was in pain, freezing cold and couldn’t stop sobbing. She knew her time had come. “- You are mine! I own you! And now I’m taking you with me” – shouted the insane voice while manning a knife, ripping her dress. “- please don’t…” Mary meekly defended herself, as she was being dragged into the darkness. All hope, joy and dreams were gone: he had won.
“- Leave her alone!” – shouted a voice from behind.

de volta a casa

depois de 7 dias de avioes [quase] sem parar, cheguei a casa, pelo menos durante dois dias. E apesar da febre e do cansaço, consegui escrever. O domingo devolveu-me a inspiração...

bluest flame

Devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand on a hand, or a mouth on a mouth

Tenesee Williams