Well I want you to understand somethin': To me, being perfect is not about a scoreboard to show around. It's not about winning and having it all.
It's about you and your relationship to yourself and your family and your friends.
Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down, because you told them and you lived in the truth. And that truth is that you did everything that you could. There wasn't one more thing that you could've done.
Can you live in that moment, as best you can, with clear eyes and love in your heart? With joy in your heart? If you can do that, then you're perfect.
quarta-feira, 28 de janeiro de 2009
Neruda
No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.
terça-feira, 27 de janeiro de 2009
Falling Down
The adventures of an ordinary man at war with the everyday world.
E se imitasse o Michael Douglas e fosse ao McDonalds, de bazuka na mão, ou simplesmente entrar no escritório dos meus clientes e rebentar com tudo?... humm... tempting....
e ainda dizem que tenho mau feitio....
E se imitasse o Michael Douglas e fosse ao McDonalds, de bazuka na mão, ou simplesmente entrar no escritório dos meus clientes e rebentar com tudo?... humm... tempting....
e ainda dizem que tenho mau feitio....
segunda-feira, 26 de janeiro de 2009
shattered glass
the world is unfair and ugly,
hearts get torn,
you chase dreams and leave all behind,
to find you don't want them.
promises are left to keep,
people will let you down,
you'll hide from yourself,
your place in the world,
your future and your happiness
'cause you can't let the past to rest
feelings will come and go,
people will come and go.
you'll seek strength in pride
and in games you control,
only to loose yourself inside
and become someone you don't know.
But, happiness will always lay in front you,
and at the reach of your heart.
if you're willing to take it:
change from within,
accept who you are,
and not what you missed,
be true to yourself,
believe that you don't need all the answers,
nor a meticulously drawn plan,
to travel your own path,
but selfless love, friendship and truth
and you'll reach way beyond your dreams:
you'll have the power to change the world,
the power to heal the others,
yourself and your past,
and even mend a shattered glass.
hearts get torn,
you chase dreams and leave all behind,
to find you don't want them.
promises are left to keep,
people will let you down,
you'll hide from yourself,
your place in the world,
your future and your happiness
'cause you can't let the past to rest
feelings will come and go,
people will come and go.
you'll seek strength in pride
and in games you control,
only to loose yourself inside
and become someone you don't know.
But, happiness will always lay in front you,
and at the reach of your heart.
if you're willing to take it:
change from within,
accept who you are,
and not what you missed,
be true to yourself,
believe that you don't need all the answers,
nor a meticulously drawn plan,
to travel your own path,
but selfless love, friendship and truth
and you'll reach way beyond your dreams:
you'll have the power to change the world,
the power to heal the others,
yourself and your past,
and even mend a shattered glass.
fisioterapia
...there's nothing like an hour of tourture on a monday morning to start the week...
3 weeks without being able to train... bummer...
3 weeks without being able to train... bummer...
domingo, 25 de janeiro de 2009
sem resposta
questions they tear my head apart
answers somewhere beyond my reach
awaking a long sleeping heart
questions rise again arousing the doubts:
was it all but a dream,
was it magic gone to waste,
was it all worth it,
was it an illusion gone in haste
how could it be good,
when it ached so much
how could it be true,
if you're not even here to touch,
will I ever be back in control,
will I ever see you again,
will I ever touch your heart,
and get sunlight out of pouring rain.
answers somewhere beyond my reach
awaking a long sleeping heart
questions rise again arousing the doubts:
was it all but a dream,
was it magic gone to waste,
was it all worth it,
was it an illusion gone in haste
how could it be good,
when it ached so much
how could it be true,
if you're not even here to touch,
will I ever be back in control,
will I ever see you again,
will I ever touch your heart,
and get sunlight out of pouring rain.
quinta-feira, 22 de janeiro de 2009
hero
The Hero travels the world by himself, focused on his quests, he seeks the tracks that were once forgotten [or that common people just don’t care] which will take him to the most amazing treasures. Oblivious to all the dangers, he travels night and day, fighting wars, saving the innocent that pass on his way, and leaving a trail of admiration, hope, hate and envy wherever he goes.
You’ll only recognize a Hero either when he’s in action [that’s the easiest]: he’ll be in the middle of everything fighting to get things right, unmindful of the harm and perils that hit him, focused on getting to his goal while protecting the innocent. The other way to recognize the Hero, [and this is the hardest], is when he is in the planning or resting phase [for even heroes need to rest]. The Hero is always discreet [it’s easier to see the troubles coming or to fight an unprepared enemy when you’re not drawing the attention to yourself], he is always attentive of his surroundings [he needs to know what he can rely on, where he can go and what he can use], and he won’t talk much [at least not until he fully understands where people come from and what are their intentions], but his eyes will be deep, probing everything around and your soul until he finds what he’s looking for.
The Hero is well familiar with Fear, he knows that the greatest trap of all, is letting fear feed on itself, until it destroys someone completely. He takes his own fears, as warning signs or alerts to improve himself, and faces them with full power, intelligence and strength, because he knows that Fear is afraid of the ones who face it.
If you’re not close to him, never think that the Hero is weak, that may be your last mistake. It’s all part of his guile. He’ll take advantage of your ignorance, appear weaker than he is, and let you believe you’re so much better, so that when he strikes, even though it is right in front of your eyes, you don’t even see where he is coming from.
Some say that the Hero does not have friends and that he doesn’t love. That is not true. All people he lets come close, are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The latter ones are the ones he truly loves; he carries them very close to the heart and whatever happens he never lets them go. He’ll protect them, make sure they get what they need to become better, stronger and happier, even if it hurts him or if it kills him in the attempt. The other ones, we’ll leave them behind, saving but good memories of the adventures spent together.
As with all extremists, the Hero has a very dark side and moments [it’s all part of the great equilibrium of life], the major difference is that the Hero will keep this hidden, facing completely alone his daemons. He will try at great lengths, to conceal this. Not only not to show any signs of weakness but also not to hurt anyone, especially those he cares about. He may sometimes let someone very close to aid him, this will be someone whose passion is so great, that he trusts his life with. This is when the Hero is most vulnerable.
Although he may appear detached to the world, the Hero’s passion is so great, that he feels it all. Conquests, treasures, new discoveries, wars, injustices, defeats and love, are his drivers through life. He’ll be always fighting to get them or against them [he is extremely suspicious of what is given to him for free]. He is not sure where he’ll find happiness or peace of mind, as it is in the fighting that he knows himself.
Some say that the Hero only stops either dying in an ultimate quest or once he finds true love. Because at the end, the only thing a Hero really fears, is forgetfulness: he is not afraid of dying, as long as his name endures in the tales and deeds that he leaves behind.
That’s why true love can also be the ultimate quest: the Hero considers that to be with someone who, not only he loves with all his heart, but that also is able to give him all the excitement and life that he feels in his quests, will let his name endure for generations to come.
You’ll only recognize a Hero either when he’s in action [that’s the easiest]: he’ll be in the middle of everything fighting to get things right, unmindful of the harm and perils that hit him, focused on getting to his goal while protecting the innocent. The other way to recognize the Hero, [and this is the hardest], is when he is in the planning or resting phase [for even heroes need to rest]. The Hero is always discreet [it’s easier to see the troubles coming or to fight an unprepared enemy when you’re not drawing the attention to yourself], he is always attentive of his surroundings [he needs to know what he can rely on, where he can go and what he can use], and he won’t talk much [at least not until he fully understands where people come from and what are their intentions], but his eyes will be deep, probing everything around and your soul until he finds what he’s looking for.
The Hero is well familiar with Fear, he knows that the greatest trap of all, is letting fear feed on itself, until it destroys someone completely. He takes his own fears, as warning signs or alerts to improve himself, and faces them with full power, intelligence and strength, because he knows that Fear is afraid of the ones who face it.
If you’re not close to him, never think that the Hero is weak, that may be your last mistake. It’s all part of his guile. He’ll take advantage of your ignorance, appear weaker than he is, and let you believe you’re so much better, so that when he strikes, even though it is right in front of your eyes, you don’t even see where he is coming from.
Some say that the Hero does not have friends and that he doesn’t love. That is not true. All people he lets come close, are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The latter ones are the ones he truly loves; he carries them very close to the heart and whatever happens he never lets them go. He’ll protect them, make sure they get what they need to become better, stronger and happier, even if it hurts him or if it kills him in the attempt. The other ones, we’ll leave them behind, saving but good memories of the adventures spent together.
As with all extremists, the Hero has a very dark side and moments [it’s all part of the great equilibrium of life], the major difference is that the Hero will keep this hidden, facing completely alone his daemons. He will try at great lengths, to conceal this. Not only not to show any signs of weakness but also not to hurt anyone, especially those he cares about. He may sometimes let someone very close to aid him, this will be someone whose passion is so great, that he trusts his life with. This is when the Hero is most vulnerable.
Although he may appear detached to the world, the Hero’s passion is so great, that he feels it all. Conquests, treasures, new discoveries, wars, injustices, defeats and love, are his drivers through life. He’ll be always fighting to get them or against them [he is extremely suspicious of what is given to him for free]. He is not sure where he’ll find happiness or peace of mind, as it is in the fighting that he knows himself.
Some say that the Hero only stops either dying in an ultimate quest or once he finds true love. Because at the end, the only thing a Hero really fears, is forgetfulness: he is not afraid of dying, as long as his name endures in the tales and deeds that he leaves behind.
That’s why true love can also be the ultimate quest: the Hero considers that to be with someone who, not only he loves with all his heart, but that also is able to give him all the excitement and life that he feels in his quests, will let his name endure for generations to come.
terça-feira, 20 de janeiro de 2009
don’t worry, 2009 can only get better
yesterday was officially the “most depressing” day of the year, Psychologists say. The finding is based on a mathematical formula, taking into account six factors: weather, debt, time since Christmas, time since failing new year's resolutions, low motivational levels and the feeling of a need to take action. We could also add the credit crunch, yesterday’s torrential rain (...), lack of daylight (...) But the good news is “Blue Monday” has passed
from J.P. Morgan Research team
from J.P. Morgan Research team
segunda-feira, 19 de janeiro de 2009
serenade*
So sweet the hour, so calm the time,
I feel it more than half a crime,
When Nature sleeps and stars are mute,
To mar the silence ev'n with lute.
At rest on ocean's brilliant dyes
An image of Elysium lies:
Seven Pleiades entranced in Heaven,
Form in the deep another seven:
Endymion nodding from above
Sees in the sea a second love.
Within the valleys dim and brown,
And on the spectral mountain's crown,
The wearied light is dying down,
And earth, and stars, and sea, and sky
Are redolent of sleep, as I
Am redolent of thee and thine
Enthralling love, my Adeline.
But list, O list,- so soft and low
Thy lover's voice tonight shall flow,
That, scarce awake, thy soul shall deem
My words the music of a dream.
Thus, while no single sound too rude
Upon thy slumber shall intrude,
Our thoughts, our souls- O God above!
In every deed shall mingle, love.
* tribute to the 200th anniversary of Edgar Allan Poe
sábado, 17 de janeiro de 2009
moonless nights
e ao anoitecer adquires nome de ilha ou de vulcão,
deixas viver sobre a pele uma criança de lume
e na fria lava da noite ensinas ao corpo a paciência,
o amor, o abandono das palavras, o silêncio
e a difícil arte da melancolia
deixas viver sobre a pele uma criança de lume
e na fria lava da noite ensinas ao corpo a paciência,
o amor, o abandono das palavras, o silêncio
e a difícil arte da melancolia
Al Berto
quinta-feira, 15 de janeiro de 2009
on magic
Unlike common belief, magic is everywhere and available to most everyone. A strong evidence of its presence is the colour “Octarine”. A fluorescent greenish-yellow purple or shining ultrablue colour, depending on who’s seeing it. Imperceptible to the common human eye, octarine is only visible to cats and wizards.
Magic triggers the best [and the worst], of humans. They have different names for it: “inspiration”, “passion”, “epiphany”, “dreams”, “sensitivity”, etc...
There also moments, that could span from some mere seconds to even years, which are full of magic and have the potential to create life changing events or even change mankind. These are usually the motor of human evolution: self discovery, courage, knowledge, art, science, and love.
Even if you’re not a wizard, or someone familiar with the magic arts, magic has its own way to enter your life, to touch it, and to trigger your own journeys. There will be times when you’ll be completely glowing in octarine, and times when you’ll need to summon it yourself. You need to have an open mind and spirit, humbleness, leave all your fears aside and seize the opportunity to go beyond whatever you thought of yourself, and be part of a greater plan. Only then all the magic in you will burst, creating a path for you to follow. Don’t be scared when it happens, just be true to your heart and let the magic lead the way.
A word of warning though: magic feeds on itself, and such as love, if left unattended it fades away or it moves to where it can be more useful. Even in your darkest moments, never let it die completely, or you’ll risk loosing it for good and have a grey and numb life.
Unfortunately, unless you’re a wizard [or a cat], magic doesn’t give you second chances.
Magic triggers the best [and the worst], of humans. They have different names for it: “inspiration”, “passion”, “epiphany”, “dreams”, “sensitivity”, etc...
There also moments, that could span from some mere seconds to even years, which are full of magic and have the potential to create life changing events or even change mankind. These are usually the motor of human evolution: self discovery, courage, knowledge, art, science, and love.
Even if you’re not a wizard, or someone familiar with the magic arts, magic has its own way to enter your life, to touch it, and to trigger your own journeys. There will be times when you’ll be completely glowing in octarine, and times when you’ll need to summon it yourself. You need to have an open mind and spirit, humbleness, leave all your fears aside and seize the opportunity to go beyond whatever you thought of yourself, and be part of a greater plan. Only then all the magic in you will burst, creating a path for you to follow. Don’t be scared when it happens, just be true to your heart and let the magic lead the way.
A word of warning though: magic feeds on itself, and such as love, if left unattended it fades away or it moves to where it can be more useful. Even in your darkest moments, never let it die completely, or you’ll risk loosing it for good and have a grey and numb life.
Unfortunately, unless you’re a wizard [or a cat], magic doesn’t give you second chances.
quarta-feira, 14 de janeiro de 2009
sometimes other people say it better
and Hanzel said to Gretel: "Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way back home, because loosing our way would be the most cruel of things"
This year, I have lost my way, and loosing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But loosing your reasons for the journey is a far more cruel fate.
The journey has lasted [five years]. Sometimes I travelled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel...and took my heart and soul. But when destination was reached: it wasn't me who arrived. It wasn't me at all.
And once you loose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be.
The person you wanted to be.
The person you are.
lost and found
Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse
You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse
You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
starting over
It's amazing that when you finally find out what your heart most desires, everything else just fades into darkness
terça-feira, 13 de janeiro de 2009
reencontros
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now preparing for landing, could you please fasten your seat belts..." - an electronic voice announces, waking me up from a feeble 1 hour nap, after 5 hours of attempts.
Only one month has passed, although it seemed an eternity: I missed you everyday and couldn't but regret how I left. Too many words unspoken, too many misunderstandings, and too much pride have drifted us away. How could I let you go?
"Mr. A. here is your coat. We have a message for you from land" - says an air attendant as she passes me a small note:
“Congrats on the job well done A. One more trophy on our shelf.
You keep this rhythm and we can retire in less than a year!
I don’t want to see you in the office on the next days, I have some ideas I’d like to discuss with you, but I need your full brainpower, and you need some rest. Go to the beach or play golf, and then we’ll talk.
M.”
This is what I do: get ideas and dreams and make them come true. To be honest, I’m not even sure how I do it. I just ensure that no matter what happens, I try to keep everyone on track and deal with every problem, on a one by one basis. Yet, when it comes to you, I am but at lost. I see a world of logic, and interconnections, but when it comes to feelings, I’m but a child trying to learn its way.
As the plane lands, I look around recognizing the city I left some time ago. Nothing changed. It is good to have some things remaining the same: you know what you can count on.
The sky is clean, and the city seems to be a sophisticated ants’ farm, full of lights and life. The roads seem to be clear, which allow me to quickly take a cab back home or to the nearest hotel… I’ll need to think what I’ll do, but I’ll leave that for tomorrow.
Right now, all I need is quick jog, a warm shower and a proper bed.
All passengers start rushing out of plane.
The smell of wet land, and the pools of water in the runway, washes my spirits, and I keep seeing flashes of all the good moments we spent together. Little strips of film that keep on running in my head, making me smile.
Although I haven’t brought much luggage, thank god for the laundries and stores open till midnight, I still wait half an hour for my suitcases. I’m not used to hearing this language anymore.
The airport is in a frenetic buzz, people from all over the world seem to be arriving, bringing together a colourful set of clothing, races and cultures. Luggage all over the place, huge cues on passport control, people getting lost between transfers, arrivals and departures, all stores full, people sleeping in the waiting seats, frustrated by delays, cabbies asking if you need a private transport or anything else, the airport is at its best. At the exit, the usual crowd cheers the newcomers with cards of welcome or more private cars hires ready to take you.
All of the sudden, two children escape from the crowd and rush into me, grabbing my legs – “Daddy, daddy! Have you brought any presents??”
I get down and kiss each one in the forehead, while they hug me as if trying to keep me from ever moving again – “We’ll see about that later. I missed you kids. Where’s you mother?”
I slowly lift my eyes and see you coming to me. Every cell in my body suddenly remembers why I want to live the rest of my life with you.
I’m not able to say a word. I get up and just stay there, looking into your eyes, trying to say I’m sorry.
You smile, and hug me into an infinite moment where everything else disappears and doesn’t matter anymore. And while I kiss you, you just whisper – “Welcome home”
Only one month has passed, although it seemed an eternity: I missed you everyday and couldn't but regret how I left. Too many words unspoken, too many misunderstandings, and too much pride have drifted us away. How could I let you go?
"Mr. A. here is your coat. We have a message for you from land" - says an air attendant as she passes me a small note:
“Congrats on the job well done A. One more trophy on our shelf.
You keep this rhythm and we can retire in less than a year!
I don’t want to see you in the office on the next days, I have some ideas I’d like to discuss with you, but I need your full brainpower, and you need some rest. Go to the beach or play golf, and then we’ll talk.
M.”
This is what I do: get ideas and dreams and make them come true. To be honest, I’m not even sure how I do it. I just ensure that no matter what happens, I try to keep everyone on track and deal with every problem, on a one by one basis. Yet, when it comes to you, I am but at lost. I see a world of logic, and interconnections, but when it comes to feelings, I’m but a child trying to learn its way.
As the plane lands, I look around recognizing the city I left some time ago. Nothing changed. It is good to have some things remaining the same: you know what you can count on.
The sky is clean, and the city seems to be a sophisticated ants’ farm, full of lights and life. The roads seem to be clear, which allow me to quickly take a cab back home or to the nearest hotel… I’ll need to think what I’ll do, but I’ll leave that for tomorrow.
Right now, all I need is quick jog, a warm shower and a proper bed.
All passengers start rushing out of plane.
The smell of wet land, and the pools of water in the runway, washes my spirits, and I keep seeing flashes of all the good moments we spent together. Little strips of film that keep on running in my head, making me smile.
Although I haven’t brought much luggage, thank god for the laundries and stores open till midnight, I still wait half an hour for my suitcases. I’m not used to hearing this language anymore.
The airport is in a frenetic buzz, people from all over the world seem to be arriving, bringing together a colourful set of clothing, races and cultures. Luggage all over the place, huge cues on passport control, people getting lost between transfers, arrivals and departures, all stores full, people sleeping in the waiting seats, frustrated by delays, cabbies asking if you need a private transport or anything else, the airport is at its best. At the exit, the usual crowd cheers the newcomers with cards of welcome or more private cars hires ready to take you.
All of the sudden, two children escape from the crowd and rush into me, grabbing my legs – “Daddy, daddy! Have you brought any presents??”
I get down and kiss each one in the forehead, while they hug me as if trying to keep me from ever moving again – “We’ll see about that later. I missed you kids. Where’s you mother?”
I slowly lift my eyes and see you coming to me. Every cell in my body suddenly remembers why I want to live the rest of my life with you.
I’m not able to say a word. I get up and just stay there, looking into your eyes, trying to say I’m sorry.
You smile, and hug me into an infinite moment where everything else disappears and doesn’t matter anymore. And while I kiss you, you just whisper – “Welcome home”
segunda-feira, 12 de janeiro de 2009
domingo, 11 de janeiro de 2009
world's lonely village
We live millions of different lifes everyday, packed in little silver disks or just about any other format one might think. We get to know the entire world. We share other people's adventures, trips, sorrows and happiness safely at a screen away. We use screenwriters’ emotions to live borrowed lifes, because sometimes ours is just too hard.
We hang on to promises of bright futures, happiness, riches, to sustain our own reality. We brag about our dreams, detailing them on every single aspect they could have. Saying how wonderful everything is going to be: perfect.
We get ready for them.
Heart and soul focused on getting the maps, skills and tools to make our dreams come true. As we progress, we keep on daydreaming, putting more colours into the dreams: "I'll be president", "I'll be famous", "I'll have 4 kids", "my wife will be a writer"... but we shut down whoever seems to be away from those dreams and ignore their costs.
Dreams shouldn’t be postponed, but also shouldn’t life. The beauty of every path lies in the path itself and not on the final destination.
There’s no point on keep on preparing a trip, if it’s not to be travelled.
There’s no point on ignoring the path or trying to sprint it, if crossing it is what makes you grow and be happy.
There’s no point on being cautious, if it prevents you from living.
There’s no point in taking a hard set route and goals, if you have no clue on what to expect on the other side.
There’s no point on being proud, if it prevents you from seeing your way.
There’s no point on being lonely, when it is only with love that you find happiness.
It is time to leave other peoples’ fantasies, look at everything as new, start travelling and just enjoy the journey.
We hang on to promises of bright futures, happiness, riches, to sustain our own reality. We brag about our dreams, detailing them on every single aspect they could have. Saying how wonderful everything is going to be: perfect.
We get ready for them.
Heart and soul focused on getting the maps, skills and tools to make our dreams come true. As we progress, we keep on daydreaming, putting more colours into the dreams: "I'll be president", "I'll be famous", "I'll have 4 kids", "my wife will be a writer"... but we shut down whoever seems to be away from those dreams and ignore their costs.
Dreams shouldn’t be postponed, but also shouldn’t life. The beauty of every path lies in the path itself and not on the final destination.
There’s no point on keep on preparing a trip, if it’s not to be travelled.
There’s no point on ignoring the path or trying to sprint it, if crossing it is what makes you grow and be happy.
There’s no point on being cautious, if it prevents you from living.
There’s no point in taking a hard set route and goals, if you have no clue on what to expect on the other side.
There’s no point on being proud, if it prevents you from seeing your way.
There’s no point on being lonely, when it is only with love that you find happiness.
It is time to leave other peoples’ fantasies, look at everything as new, start travelling and just enjoy the journey.
sábado, 10 de janeiro de 2009
playing it by heart
Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
sexta-feira, 9 de janeiro de 2009
White peace
A cidade acordou vestida de branco. Palavras para quê...
(acho que hoje à noite saio com equipamento de ski...)
(acho que hoje à noite saio com equipamento de ski...)
quarta-feira, 7 de janeiro de 2009
Coming back
The streets haven't changed. The stores have cards announcing huge sales. It's colder. The light is different. My office is still in the same place. The language hasn't changed. My desk hasn't changed. People around me are [almost] the same. There is still the smell of blood and lies in the air. My juniors are the same, and still, are scared. My laptop hasn't changed. Work is still for yesterday, and the clients are the same. I have changed... and I like it.
sábado, 3 de janeiro de 2009
Soul searching in a 20 track playlist
PLAY. [The Story] Saio de casa, começa a viagem. As ruas continuam cheias, parece que ainda há mais pessoas que na época de natal. Os prédios à volta ressurgem com um ar lavado. Enquanto o sol pinta os telhados de cores quentes, o frio insiste em lembrar que ainda é Inverno. Que bom estar de volta a esta cidade, onde parece que o tempo não existe, nem importa. Toda esta gente à volta... e esta correria... será que as pessoas se apercebem do que passa no resto do mundo?
Uma velhota no multibanco olha com um ar desconfiado, refugia-se dentro da máquina. De certeza que tem gatos. [Times Like These]
Fazendo o balanço do ano, parece que cheguei onde me propus. Há quatro anos quando decidi sair, tinha vários objectivos: ser independente, viajar, atingir o nível profissional que queria, conhecer pessoas do mundo inteiro, ver espectáculos, viver outras cidades e outras culturas, conhecer outras realidades. [Wonderwall] O que será que ela está a fazer agora?
Paro na passadeira, o Tejo em frente lembra-me que deveria um dia destes atravessar de cacilheiro. Ainda não o fiz... Entro na estação. Bilhete com último destino. [Jane Says]. Cheguei onde cheguei, e agora? O que vem a seguir? Que sensação é esta que falta algo para que tudo faça sentido, e que tudo o fiz até agora pouco ou nada significa? Faltam quinze minutos para partir, sento-me numa janela do lado do rio. É melhor enviar uma mensagem a avisar a que horas chego. [U Turn] Revivo o último ano da minha vida num segundo: algo falhou? Deixei levar-me pelos momentos, não interferi, nem comprometi com nada. E que ganhei? Nada. Vi gigantes caírem, vi homens feitos chorar, vi o melhor e o pior da natureza humana, e marcou-me ver que o que fica é o pior e não o melhor de cada um. [The Beginning Song]
Uma mensagem. Vêm-me buscar à estação. Óptimo.
Já estamos a andar. Parece que Lisboa inteira veio ver o rio. Pessoas a passear, sozinhas ou com cães, a correr, pescar, ou simplesmente a fugir de uma rotina onde não há nem sol nem rio.[What’s a Girl to do]
Deveria ter sido diferente? Talvez não, mas quem viveu tudo isto parece que não fui eu, mas um personagem de uma outra história. Onde está a paixão com que sempre me entreguei a tudo? Mesmo às causas perdidas?
Uma mensagem. É ela, não pode vir hoje, quer tentar combinar qualquer coisa para a próxima. Que pena. Gostava de a ver, sentir, e estar a seu lado. [My Good Deed] Que é isto que sinto? Não me sentia assim por ninguém há muito tempo. Tenho a sensação de que se estivéssemos juntos seria perfeito, vejo todo um futuro brilhante, e melhor... feliz.
Lá fora vejo todos estes lugares comuns dos turistas. Admito que mal conheço esta terra fantástica, e que ou nunca visitei estes lugares ou só os vi quando era miúdo. Mais uma resolução: [re]conhecer bem a minha cidade, ou pelo menos tão bem como as cidades que me acolheram. [Lost] Não falta muito para sair desta terra da pasmaceira que tanto gosto. Vejo o mar. Tinha saudades tuas.
[What else is there?] Irei voltar, e seja como for, vou encontrar a paixão que tinha, estou farto de assumir um papel passivo, só porque tenho que tentar aguentar a realidade à minha volta. Ou luto por aquilo que acredito, ou saio. Qualquer outra atitude, não sou eu. A paciência que dizem para ter, é para os outros. Recuso-me a ficar sereno, quando tudo à volta cai. E se lutar e cair também, pelo menos ficarei satisfeito porque fiz o que devia e fui verdadeiro comigo. [I Feel It All]. Passo pelos lugares de meu passado, as casas, as escolas, as praias, o paredão: refúgios onde sempre me encontrei e que fazem parte de quem sou.
Tenho saudades dos tempos em que éramos uma família. Mesmo com os divórcios, sempre encontrávamos o nosso espaço e nunca deixávamos ninguém cair. Esses tempos morreram. [Something to Believe In] Quem será que está a passear ao lado do mar? Há sempre alguém conhecido por aí: um café, uma conversa, uma dissertação filosófica sobre nada. Pequenos momentos que nos fazem sentir cheios.
[Round Here] Como é possível que ela tenha entrado assim em mim? Não a esqueço. Ela afasta-me e puxa-me ao mesmo tempo, e não sei se esta também não é uma causa perdida. Ela precisa de se encontrar, saber quem é, talvez aí tenhamos futuro. Gostava de estar ao seu lado nesse percurso. Gostava de estar ao seu lado, ponto. Mas esta guerra é só dela, e apesar de estar sempre aqui, só posso estar a seu lado se ela quiser. Como posso fazer mais se ela não deixa aproximar-me? [Dakota] Os surfistas estão a tentar aproveitar as primeiras ondas do ano. Lembro-me de fazer caça submarina nesses mesmo sítios. Amigos que já cá não estão ou que se perderam pelo caminho. As nossas relações acabam por ser assim: quem vai cá estar daqui a uns anos, de quem me desliguei, por quem lutei para que ficasse no meu mundo, e quem lutou para ficar no meu? Será que ela vai estar?
[Realize] Já dei o passo que precisava, e que tanto me assustava. Não custou assim tanto. Saí do meu desterro emocional. Onde será que isto me levará, e será que me refugiarei outra vez quando começar tudo a cair outra vez? [This years love] Sinto saudades dela. Quero continuar a sentir-me assim, mas quero mais, muito mais, quero tudo.
Estou quase a chegar. Olho à minha volta: quem é esta gente que também viaja hoje e a estas horas? Como serão as suas vidas, também se interrogarão com a sua vida? E o que fazem com isso? Serei eu o único maluquinho que se força a passar por isto? Mando uma mensagem a avisar que estou a chegar. Não gosto de ficar à espera. [Lucky Man] Uma criança chora à minha frente, faz birra porque quer qualquer coisa. Os miúdos são cada vez mais mal educados, as pessoas devem ter medo de impôr disciplina. Ao lado, um homem fala ao telemóvel como se estivesse um problema grave de audição. Quem é esta gente?
[Everybody’s Changing] Revi tanta gente nestes dias... Foi bom, mas ao mesmo tempo assustador: alguns evoluíram, parecem genuinamente felizes, muitos casaram-se, falam em filhos e futuros que já não são os deles. Outros parece que ficaram pelo caminho, parados no tempo sem querer admitir que os nossos mundos continuaram. Eu também fugi do passado onde fui feliz. [I’m yours] Tentei ignorar as pessoas que mais me marcaram para poder olhar para a frente sem mágoas. Mas quer queira, quer não elas fazem parte de mim, de quem sou. O passado já foi, os sentimentos de eternidade ficaram pelo caminho. Não vale a pena esconder-me mais.
[Guaranteed] Cheguei, saio com a multidão. A estação não mudou nada. Começo a sentir-me em paz. Sei que só posso sentir-me cheio sendo verdadeiro, sendo quem sou a toda a hora, não posso usar medos, inseguranças ou outras desculpas para fugir. Sei [agora] que vou lutar por amor, não ligar a orgulhos nem a dedos. Não gosto de me sentir sozinho e sei que a felicidade só existe se for partilhada. Onde estás?
Estão à minha espera. Entro no carro. Acabou a viagem. STOP
Uma velhota no multibanco olha com um ar desconfiado, refugia-se dentro da máquina. De certeza que tem gatos. [Times Like These]
Fazendo o balanço do ano, parece que cheguei onde me propus. Há quatro anos quando decidi sair, tinha vários objectivos: ser independente, viajar, atingir o nível profissional que queria, conhecer pessoas do mundo inteiro, ver espectáculos, viver outras cidades e outras culturas, conhecer outras realidades. [Wonderwall] O que será que ela está a fazer agora?
Paro na passadeira, o Tejo em frente lembra-me que deveria um dia destes atravessar de cacilheiro. Ainda não o fiz... Entro na estação. Bilhete com último destino. [Jane Says]. Cheguei onde cheguei, e agora? O que vem a seguir? Que sensação é esta que falta algo para que tudo faça sentido, e que tudo o fiz até agora pouco ou nada significa? Faltam quinze minutos para partir, sento-me numa janela do lado do rio. É melhor enviar uma mensagem a avisar a que horas chego. [U Turn] Revivo o último ano da minha vida num segundo: algo falhou? Deixei levar-me pelos momentos, não interferi, nem comprometi com nada. E que ganhei? Nada. Vi gigantes caírem, vi homens feitos chorar, vi o melhor e o pior da natureza humana, e marcou-me ver que o que fica é o pior e não o melhor de cada um. [The Beginning Song]
Uma mensagem. Vêm-me buscar à estação. Óptimo.
Já estamos a andar. Parece que Lisboa inteira veio ver o rio. Pessoas a passear, sozinhas ou com cães, a correr, pescar, ou simplesmente a fugir de uma rotina onde não há nem sol nem rio.[What’s a Girl to do]
Deveria ter sido diferente? Talvez não, mas quem viveu tudo isto parece que não fui eu, mas um personagem de uma outra história. Onde está a paixão com que sempre me entreguei a tudo? Mesmo às causas perdidas?
Uma mensagem. É ela, não pode vir hoje, quer tentar combinar qualquer coisa para a próxima. Que pena. Gostava de a ver, sentir, e estar a seu lado. [My Good Deed] Que é isto que sinto? Não me sentia assim por ninguém há muito tempo. Tenho a sensação de que se estivéssemos juntos seria perfeito, vejo todo um futuro brilhante, e melhor... feliz.
Lá fora vejo todos estes lugares comuns dos turistas. Admito que mal conheço esta terra fantástica, e que ou nunca visitei estes lugares ou só os vi quando era miúdo. Mais uma resolução: [re]conhecer bem a minha cidade, ou pelo menos tão bem como as cidades que me acolheram. [Lost] Não falta muito para sair desta terra da pasmaceira que tanto gosto. Vejo o mar. Tinha saudades tuas.
[What else is there?] Irei voltar, e seja como for, vou encontrar a paixão que tinha, estou farto de assumir um papel passivo, só porque tenho que tentar aguentar a realidade à minha volta. Ou luto por aquilo que acredito, ou saio. Qualquer outra atitude, não sou eu. A paciência que dizem para ter, é para os outros. Recuso-me a ficar sereno, quando tudo à volta cai. E se lutar e cair também, pelo menos ficarei satisfeito porque fiz o que devia e fui verdadeiro comigo. [I Feel It All]. Passo pelos lugares de meu passado, as casas, as escolas, as praias, o paredão: refúgios onde sempre me encontrei e que fazem parte de quem sou.
Tenho saudades dos tempos em que éramos uma família. Mesmo com os divórcios, sempre encontrávamos o nosso espaço e nunca deixávamos ninguém cair. Esses tempos morreram. [Something to Believe In] Quem será que está a passear ao lado do mar? Há sempre alguém conhecido por aí: um café, uma conversa, uma dissertação filosófica sobre nada. Pequenos momentos que nos fazem sentir cheios.
[Round Here] Como é possível que ela tenha entrado assim em mim? Não a esqueço. Ela afasta-me e puxa-me ao mesmo tempo, e não sei se esta também não é uma causa perdida. Ela precisa de se encontrar, saber quem é, talvez aí tenhamos futuro. Gostava de estar ao seu lado nesse percurso. Gostava de estar ao seu lado, ponto. Mas esta guerra é só dela, e apesar de estar sempre aqui, só posso estar a seu lado se ela quiser. Como posso fazer mais se ela não deixa aproximar-me? [Dakota] Os surfistas estão a tentar aproveitar as primeiras ondas do ano. Lembro-me de fazer caça submarina nesses mesmo sítios. Amigos que já cá não estão ou que se perderam pelo caminho. As nossas relações acabam por ser assim: quem vai cá estar daqui a uns anos, de quem me desliguei, por quem lutei para que ficasse no meu mundo, e quem lutou para ficar no meu? Será que ela vai estar?
[Realize] Já dei o passo que precisava, e que tanto me assustava. Não custou assim tanto. Saí do meu desterro emocional. Onde será que isto me levará, e será que me refugiarei outra vez quando começar tudo a cair outra vez? [This years love] Sinto saudades dela. Quero continuar a sentir-me assim, mas quero mais, muito mais, quero tudo.
Estou quase a chegar. Olho à minha volta: quem é esta gente que também viaja hoje e a estas horas? Como serão as suas vidas, também se interrogarão com a sua vida? E o que fazem com isso? Serei eu o único maluquinho que se força a passar por isto? Mando uma mensagem a avisar que estou a chegar. Não gosto de ficar à espera. [Lucky Man] Uma criança chora à minha frente, faz birra porque quer qualquer coisa. Os miúdos são cada vez mais mal educados, as pessoas devem ter medo de impôr disciplina. Ao lado, um homem fala ao telemóvel como se estivesse um problema grave de audição. Quem é esta gente?
[Everybody’s Changing] Revi tanta gente nestes dias... Foi bom, mas ao mesmo tempo assustador: alguns evoluíram, parecem genuinamente felizes, muitos casaram-se, falam em filhos e futuros que já não são os deles. Outros parece que ficaram pelo caminho, parados no tempo sem querer admitir que os nossos mundos continuaram. Eu também fugi do passado onde fui feliz. [I’m yours] Tentei ignorar as pessoas que mais me marcaram para poder olhar para a frente sem mágoas. Mas quer queira, quer não elas fazem parte de mim, de quem sou. O passado já foi, os sentimentos de eternidade ficaram pelo caminho. Não vale a pena esconder-me mais.
[Guaranteed] Cheguei, saio com a multidão. A estação não mudou nada. Começo a sentir-me em paz. Sei que só posso sentir-me cheio sendo verdadeiro, sendo quem sou a toda a hora, não posso usar medos, inseguranças ou outras desculpas para fugir. Sei [agora] que vou lutar por amor, não ligar a orgulhos nem a dedos. Não gosto de me sentir sozinho e sei que a felicidade só existe se for partilhada. Onde estás?
Estão à minha espera. Entro no carro. Acabou a viagem. STOP
sexta-feira, 2 de janeiro de 2009
Annus Mirabilis 2009
Know more people. Take care of my true friends. Run the NYC marathon in November. Go to Moscow. Go to Rome. Change my job description, or just change jobs. Write more. Read more. Tie all loose ends. Fall madly in love, and be loved back. Learn how to be more patient. Learn french. Get my home as I want, or as it comes along. See old friends. Get fit. Listen to new music. Watch more shows. Redefine my priorities. Do not let that my surroundings affect my values. Take care of my family. Stop being so defensive. Stop thinking so much. Do at least one thing that scares the hell out of me (dunno which yet). Love. Find the girl of my dreams. Dream more. Pray more. Feel more.
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